Hope For Damnation
by woopiedoo-7
Summary: My first ever Twilight fanfiction. Edward, Carlisle and Esme are living together, as a family, in the early 1930s. One night, Edward discovers a beautiful stranger whom he is entranced by. But soon, circumstances draw them ever closer and into more danger
1. Dreamless

"Really, Carlisle, I'll be fine," I told my father for the umpteenth time. Carlisle did not look convinced.

"Edward, you must understand," he said in a pleading tone, different from his usual calm one. "Esme or I will not be there to restrain you if you slip up."

I sighed.

"Carlisle, it amazes me how much faith you have," I replied dryly. But, upon seeing his still anxious eyes, I softened. "Honestly, nothing will go wrong. Yes, I know my self-control is still not perfected, but I can assure you, the only thing I will be drinking tonight is animal blood." I smiled.

Carlisle was still worried. He seemed to be trying to think of a way to persuade me to postpone the hunt, and I wondered if he had forgotten that I could read his thoughts. Finally, Esme's voice came from the doorway.

"Carlisle, relax." She appeared in the room. "You have nothing to fear, Edward will be fine," she reassured him gently.

Her words seemed to convince him. He sighed and turned to me.

"Be careful."

I just smiled. "Have faith."

I exited the house and began on the trail towards the woods, eagerly anticipating the hunt. It was true; this was my first hunt since I had rebelled against Carlisle's more 'humane' way of drinking animal blood and went on a human killing rampage, returning to Carlisle and Esme a few years afterwards, plagued with guilt. But really, they had nothing to fear. My self-control may not be the best – I was still a young vampire – but I was certain that I could withstand the scent of human blood enough to be around humans.

I shuddered as I recalled all those years ago, when I had run away from home and preyed on innocent people, giving in completely to my natural vampire instincts. At the time I didn't seem to think they were all that innocent – using my mind reading abilities to only kill the worst – but nonetheless they were human lives I had taken. I pushed the thought out of my mind and continued onto the woods.

The trees whispered in the slight breeze; it blew my bronze hair about my face. I admired the natural beauty of the surrounding area: the pure green grass that grew on ether side of the trail I was on, lavenders poking through every so often, the night sky a deep, navy blue, the stars that shone down dotting it's surface, the soft glow of the moon that seemed to be smiling ever so slightly.

Then, suddenly, a distinct smell wafted through the breeze, picked up instantly by my sensitive nostrils. I stopped walking and inhaled the scent appreciatively; deer. I broke into a run, entering the woods, trees rushing past in a brown blur. I found the small group of deer easily enough, guided by my sharp senses. They nestled in a clearing, grazing.

I gave in wholly to my natural instincts and began the hunt. It was a curious feeling, having everything else overwhelmed by the desire for blood. What was even more astounding was obeying those feelings, letting them draw me in until I could not control them any longer, until I was a completely different person.

I eyed one deer in particular, sitting at the edge of the clearing. I crouched down and edged forward slowly, noiselessly. I bared my teeth and prepared to strike. Then, in a flash, I darted forward and attacked the unknowing animal, draining it of all its blood. I quickly fed on the other members of the group – there were only three more – and licked my lips, relishing the taste. I was certainly thirsty tonight.

It was at that exact moment, there in the clearing that I first saw her.

She was unlike anything I had ever witnessed before. Her pale face, illuminated by the moonlight, was angelic. It was heart shaped and flawless, smooth. Her long, brown hair was the same shade as her eyes; they twinkled in the light. Her features were angular, and yet soft, especially her lips. They were full and rose coloured, now pressed into a line. She was literally the most beautiful person I'd seen in my whole life.

But it was not her overwhelming beauty that made me freeze in place and lose track of all thought; it was her scent. Never in my life had I smelled anything so wonderful. Her blood was tantalisingly sweet – it seemed to sing to me. I was now consciously aware of the thirst that overwhelmed me, called for me to surrender and attack her right this very moment. I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, hoping this would be enough to control my thirst – my relentless, aching thirst.

It was all I could do not to harm her. _Control yourself_, I commanded firmly. I was determined not to be consumed by the hunger that raged through me now, determined to cling onto the single rational thought I had left. I took a step forward without thinking and immediately stopped myself; _why must I lose control now?_ I thought in agony.

She continued walking through the woods, her path marked clearly by the moonlight. She had her head bent down slightly, her eyes staring straight in front of her. A look of irritation and confusion was on her face, evident in her chocolate eyes.

She kept walking at a steady pace, then rounded the bend of the moonlit dirt trail and disappeared out of sight. Even though I couldn't see her anymore, her delicious aroma still lingered in my mouth and in my nostrils, until finally fading away. I thought it was safe to move again, so I staggered towards a tree and collapsed against it. Who was this pale, hauntingly beautiful stranger that had made me lose control like I had? I was still marvelling over her beauty, her perfection. Despite my supernatural strength as a vampire, I suddenly found myself weak in the knees just thinking of her and her luscious scent.

I regained my composure enough that I could run again, and took off back in the direction of my home.

My house was slightly less typical than that of normal 1930's residences. It was a large, two story manor, made of pale, pebbled brick. Its roof was high and pointed, its shingles pale grey. Two white pillars stood at the front entrance; several others separated the many windows that dotted its surface. A perfect, green lawn stretched out in front of the house, separated by a long, pebbled pathway that led up to the entrance. Shrubs and other greenery were planted in front of the manor, obscuring the windows a fraction. Thick, green moss covered one side of the house and tall chimney that protruded upwards out of the roof.

I was thankful when I finally reached the double oak doors and pushed them open, into the warm, wide foyer. I found Carlisle and Esme upstairs, in Carlisle's study. My thoughts were still with the girl I had seen tonight, completely immersed in the mystery she presented. My distraction must have been evident on my face, because Carlisle looked worried and asked, "Edward, whatever is the matter?"

I drew myself back into reality and looked up to see the concerned faces of my parents.

"Oh, I uh….it's nothing…" I murmured.

Carlisle didn't look convinced. I read his thoughts and quickly dismissed his assumptions.

"I didn't harm any humans, Carlisle, don't worry." I realised how close I had come to doing just that. "It was a good hunt; I found some deer."

Carlisle was relieved. He smiled. "Good, I'm glad."

I excused myself and went to my private en suite, studying my face carefully in the mirror. My eyes were golden, topaz, unlike the coal black they had previously been, and the purple bruise-like shadows beneath my eyes were lightened. A few strands of my copper hair fell in front of them. My pale, hard face looked distinctly more shallow than usual; _another product of tonight's events,_ I thought smugly.

I returned to my bedroom – one of the six in this grand house – and, with a sigh, flopped down on the leather couch that took up most of my room. I held my head in my hands, once again picturing the angel that graced my view mere hours previously. The familiar ache of thirst coursed through me once more as I remembered her blood and its wonderful scent.

I lay on the couch now, my hands still covering my face, lost in thought. I found myself wishing – for the first time in many, many years – that I could dream, and though my desires were futile, to say the least, I still found myself cursing the sleep that I knew would not come.


	2. In Town

My head was still buried in my hands when the sun rose. My thoughts were still distant, reminiscing on last night's hunt, and the girl I had seen.

I rose from the leather sofa, legs stiff, and went downstairs into the kitchen, where Carlisle sat, reading the newspaper. He looked up as I approached.

"Ah, Edward!" he said cheerfully as I entered the kitchen and took a seat opposite him.

"Where's Esme?" I asked.

"She's outside, starting that garden she's always dreamed of," he replied with a smile. I noticed his amusement at the word "dreamed". I groaned.

I knew what was coming next. Carlisle intended to inquire about last night and my absent minded state. I didn't try and stop him, but rather welcomed the questions; I felt relieved to talk to someone about last night's events. Carlisle folded up his newspaper and stared at me quizzically.

"Edward," he began in a curious voice, "Is something the matter?"

I sighed. Here goes.

"As a matter of fact, there is." I paused; Carlisle didn't speak, so I continued. "Last night, while I was hunting, something happened."

"But you told me-"he began.

"Yes, and I wasn't lying," I interjected. Carlisle's face softened. He nodded for me to continue.

"Last night, while feeding on a group of deer, I saw something. Or rather, someone," I said, lost in a reverie. "It was a girl, walking along near the clearing where I was feeding. Thankfully, she didn't see me; she just kept walking and then disappeared." I sighed again.

"You didn't harm her, did you?" Carlisle asked slowly. I shook my head. "Then why are you so distressed?"

This was the hard part; trying to describe her. "Carlisle, you don't understand. She was beautiful. Utterly and completely beautiful. I couldn't look away; I literally stopped what I was doing and just stood there, gawking at her…. "Carlisle didn't speak. I was lost in thought, my voice now a low whisper. "And her scent! Her wonderful, mouth-watering scent… It was all I could do not to attack her right then and there. But, I managed to restrain myself until she had gone. Carlisle, you have no idea how close I came to taking another human life last night."

Carlisle didn't say anything for a while. I sat without moving, staring down at the polished wooden table and read his thoughts. They were puzzled.

He finally spoke, "Edward, I do not judge you for reacting the way you did. You are still a young vampire - it is natural that you feel the pull of human blood." Then his expression turned thoughtful. "But, this particular human that you speak so…passionately of seems to be more mesmerising than a normal person. It would do you well to be careful, and not get too caught up in her." His ochre eyes were serious.

"I understand," I replied, equally serious. "I'll control myself."

Carlisle seemed pleased with my response, and returned to his newspaper.

"Perhaps…I could go into town?" I suggested carefully. Carlisle looked up and raised his eyebrows slightly. "I think it would do me well to go and clear my head." I smiled wanly.

Carlisle deliberated internally for a moment, and then nodded.

I rose from my chair silently, exited the kitchen and headed for the front door. I felt grateful when I stepped out into the front yard, the breeze helping to clear some of my thoughts. I spotted Esme working in the garden and raised a hand in farewell, and assured her that I would be safe. I then proceeded to walk down the path, towards the town.

Luckily, the weather was grey and cloudy, shielding me from the sun. Matches my mood, I thought with mock amusement. The main town that I headed to was relatively far away from my house; far enough that we would have no fear of exposure. I passed a field of green grass and listened to the bubbling stream gushing nearby. I continued north towards town and tried very hard not to think of the girl I had seen on last night's hunt.

After about seven miles, I finally reached the town. It was an archetypal 1930's Chicago settlement: A long, narrow road stretched out, small shops and stalls on the edges. Several old-fashioned automobiles sat parked on the kerb of the sidewalk, though many people preferred to travel by bicycle or foot. Children frolicked on the roads, ignoring the pleas from their parents, always giggling loudly when they narrowly missed an oncoming car.

At the end of the street stood a magnificent stone cathedral, towering high over the street and small shops. It was grandiose, beautiful; its huge turrets seemed to command attention. People gathered around it, all trying to fit in to the small space of the church comfortably, to no avail. Past the enormous cathedral was the less populated marketplace, far away on the outskirts of the city. It sold quaint, less well-known objects that not many people bought; thus, fewer people ventured there.

It was here that I went towards, away from the bustling main streets, away from the stares of the women and their twisted thoughts; away from the blood. It was essential to my health – and theirs – that I remain as far away from them as possible, but still close enough that I had the distraction of the city.

I finally reached the marketplace, after many hours of walking and was relieved to see that there weren't too many people. It was a rather small, square, cobbled space, with the main stalls and shops situated in the centre. Many alleyways and separate streets branched off from the main bazaar, leading towards the dwellings of the locals and shop owners. People circulated around the marketplace, stopping every so often to talk with another, or to make a purchase.

I traipsed along, ignoring the awed stares of passers by, lost in my own musings. Despite the strong wind that blew every so often, the loud, electric energy that pulsed through the city, my mind still managed to return to _her_. I felt the venom rise in my throat and I pushed it back down forcefully; just thinking of her made me thirsty.

I was not, of course, totally oblivious to my surroundings. One could not escape the flurry of activity that was so evident in this provincial town, the shouts of the many shopkeepers trying to sell their wares to passers by, the asinine arguments between parents and their children who begged mercilessly for sweets; all heightened by my superhuman hearing. It all just seemed unimportant right now.

As thoughts of the mysterious female plagued my mind incessantly, I began to think they would never stop. So, in defeat, I stumbled into the closest alleyway that I could find and collapsed against its brick wall, slumping down onto the hard, damp floor. The alley was empty except for a few rubbish bins in one corner, and old newspaper scraps scattered on the ground. It had a complete, perfect view of the marketplace; I could see everything.

I closed my eyes and let the feeling overwhelm me. I now realised that any attempt to rid my mind of _her _were useless, so I simply let the images and ideas flow, free of the barriers that I had risen in an effort to control them. I kept picturing her fair, moonlit face that was marked with obvious annoyance and bewilderment; I wondered what had happened that made her so.

Then, my senses caught something that I never thought I would experience again; her scent.

I didn't need to investigate too much to know that it was definitely her – I would recognise that smell anywhere. I looked out from the alleyway, scanning the marketplace quickly with my excellent sense of sight. Albeit I was doubtful as to whether she would be in my line of vision, I still hoped that she would be there. After several seconds of searching, I finally spotted her. There, the picture of radiance, she was. I also noticed another man with her.

He seemed to be her father, and they were arguing. I listened intently to their conversation and caught most of it.

"….why you can't tell me," her father was saying. She walked a few paces in front of him, clearly irritated.

"I can't tell you because it's not your concern," she replied, not wishing to continue the conversation. But her father persisted.

"Your mother and I were worried sick last night," he said. "When you didn't come home for two hours we thought you were lost, injured. Please, tell me what's going on."

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Father, do you really believe me so incompetent that I would get lost in a place I have lived for all my life?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows.

"I don't think you incompetent at all, it's just that your behaviour, lately, it's been…different, distracted…"he frowned, trying to think of the right words. She kept walking in front of him, choosing not to listen to him. Her father caught her by the elbow and spun her around to face him. He grasped her shoulders.

"It's not like you," he said, looking into her eyes.

She shrugged his hands off and fixed him with a hard stare.

"Dad," she said slowly. "I assure you, there is nothing to worry about. Don't fret; if there was something wrong I would tell you, okay?"

Her father opened his mouth as if he wanted to say more, but then sighed and closed it. He nodded.

I sat listening to all of this, trying to make the slightest sense of it. What was it that had her father so anxious? And why wouldn't she tell him? I read his mind to see if that would answer my questions.

_Sneaking off in the middle of the night, not bothering to inform me of her whereabouts, _he mused. _And why is she suddenly so secretive, so withdrawn? It's as if she's in another world…_

These thoughts offered no answers. I listened further.

_Coming home every day with that worried look on her face…and when I ask her what's wrong, snapping at me and retreating to her room….I wonder what's wrong… _

Growing more inquisitive by the second, I turned my attention to _her_ thoughts, hoping that they would offer some explanation. I realised that I couldn't read her thoughts. I scrunched my eyes shut and concentrated fiercely; still nothing.

This was very puzzling. This human – this dazzling, gorgeous human – seemed to be immune to my mind reading capabilities. The mystery she presented was now more intriguing than ever. I remembered Carlisle's last words to me: "It would do you well to…not get too caught up in her." I chuckled at how right he now was. But, as bad as this investigation was for my health, I still couldn't resist pondering on the conversation I had recently overheard.

I recognised the thirst welling up in me more than ever now. I struggled to contain it, to return my breathing to its normal state. _Not here, there are witnesses_, I reminded myself over and over. I sat on my hands in an attempt to stop myself from running through the market at the now invisible female I obsessed over.

When I was sure my thirst had subsided enough that I could control it, I stood and went out of the dim alleyway and into the marketplace. I breathed heavily as I walked through the streets, taking no notice of the shopkeeper that begged for me to purchase his goods, of the wailing infants.

As soon as I was far away from the town, I broke into a run. I enjoyed the exhilarating feeling that I experienced whenever I ran; the wind against my skin felt pleasant. I reached my home in minutes, grateful that I was now in a place where I was far away enough that I would not be tempted by the scent of human blood.

I knew that it would be impossible, now, to try and stay away from the town. It was my only conduit to the mysterious woman that consumed me; unless I ran into her on another hunt. I sincerely hoped that I wouldn't.

Fully aware that my expression was still distant, I entered the house and headed straight for the bathroom. I examined my face in the mirror, particularly my eyes. They were black. I sighed and went back into the foyer, crossing the room into the kitchen to wearily inform Carlisle that I was going out to hunt.

Oh how I would need it.


	3. Love

The bleak grey of the clouds overhead seemed duller than ever as I made my way down the trail into the woods. It was essential that I acquire adequate sustenance, so as to not be tempted by any humans – and one in particular – when I returned to town later this evening. I wasn't even sure that she would be there. All I was sure of now, was that I desperately needed to hunt.

It was morning still, but the constant cold, grey weather gave the impression that it was much later. I didn't mind the cold; I quite liked it. But a little sunlight now and then never went astray, even if it did threaten the exposure of me and my family.

I reached the woods and plunged into its depths, looking for any creatures that would be able to quench my thirst. I found two deer and, much to my surprise, a wild boar. I wondered what on Earth a boar would be doing in these woods, but, nonetheless, crouched down and prepared to strike. I followed it stealthily until I was only five feet away from it. Slowly, slowly, I edged forward. My lip was curled back over my teeth, and a guttural snarl escaped my lips. The animal, still oblivious to my presence, didn't move. I ran forward and struck. The boar was powerless against my overwhelming strength. I drank greedily and then moved onto the deer. I handled them with speed and precision also, each one helpless when I attacked them.

Satisfied with the hunt, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and returned to my house. My thirst was reduced greatly; I felt oddly flushed and I instantly knew, without having to look in the mirror, that my eyes were lighter.

I entered the house and tried not to think of my upcoming trip into town. The very thought of seeing _her _there and losing control made me anxious, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and concentrated on distracting myself.

I tried everything. Reading, listening to music, running; I even helped Esme out in her garden. But everything I tried offered no reprieve whatsoever. My only hope left now, was the piano. I sincerely wished that this would, at least, divert my attention from the imminent journey into town, and the female that consumed my thoughts.

My piano was situated in the living room. I stood back and admired it: it's glossy, pearl colour was varnished perfectly; it seemed to glow in the light. Intricate gold markings adorned the edges, giving it a certain grandeur quality. The white of the instrument almost blended in with my skin, as I sat down at the piano and placed my fingers gently upon the keys. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and began to play.

The soft, sweet melodies danced in the air and seemed to reverberate in the large sitting area. One could not mistake the nuance of melancholy that was the essence of the piece; Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata". I kept my eyes closed and tried to communicate my own sadness from within myself into my fingers that moved ever so lightly upon the ivory. My hands moved of their own accord; I was lost in a deep reverie, one that I would not be swayed easily to break from. I continued to play, now unaware of the time or place, lost in the magic that enveloped me while playing this piece. My worries seemed to drift away as the tender harmonies washed over me, filling my every pore with profound emotion.

I played the final chords and kept my eyes closed until the delicate, musical tones faded away. I sighed and smiled slightly. This was my reprieve.

I rose from the piano seat and went up the scarlet-carpeted stairs, somewhat dazed. I entered my bedroom and flopped down on my sofa. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool wind fluttering in through the window. I sniffed the air; it was going to rain. Something dug into my back and made me uncomfortable. I sat up and felt behind me for the cause of the annoyance. It was a newspaper.

I scanned the front page and glimpsed the date; yesterday. Somehow I had forgotten to read it and thus dismissed it, tossing it onto the seat absent-mindedly. I now went through the newspaper, searching for anything of interest. One headline in particular caught my eye: LOCAL KILLINGS IN SMALL TOWN. I found the article and began to read:

"Several men and women have been brutally murdered in what can only be described as vicious and sadistic. Many officers including local police chief, Charlie Swan, are puzzled as to the circumstances of the killings. "There was absolutely no evidence," says Chief Swan. "All we found was the victim surrounded by a big pool of blood. There were no fingerprints, nothing."

The bodies were found not more than a mile from each other, the first being discovered in the middle of the town marketplace later this evening; the second in a field one kilometre away from the first, four days ago. The latter was so well hidden that if it were not for the help of the authority's police dogs, it might have never been discovered.

The circumstances of the deaths puzzled even the brightest of police officers. "Both bodies were found with slashes across their clothes, and extremely severe wounds. In one, the bones were even broken," says one police officer.

Authorities urge anyone with information about these tragic incidents to come forward. The investigation will be put on hold for a short time, while the victim's funerals are being held."

I finished the article and sat there, frowning. The mysterious circumstances of the killings aroused many suspicions in my mind, but I decided not to speak to Carlisle about them prematurely. Instead, I folded up the newspaper and went outside to inform Esme and Carlisle that I was returning once again to town. I already knew that Carlisle would not approve, but I was ready to insist if need be; it was better than staying here, cooped up inside with only the reports of murders to keep me company. I found them in the garden, even though it was starting to rain.

"Esme, Carlisle?" I called as I approached. They both looked up, smiling.

"I just came to tell you that I'm heading into town again," I said conversationally. Esme looked instantly worried and Carlisle raised an eyebrow. Several minutes of silent communication passed between us.

_Are you sure that's the best idea? _Carlisle inquired internally.

"Yes." I replied aloud. I was definite, but I began to wonder if it was in my best interests to return to town. Esme's warm voice interrupted my thoughts.

_Please, Edward, reconsider. I know you would never forgive yourself if you harmed anyone while you were there. _She was pleading.

"No," I replied firmly. I looked at Carlisle.

"Nothing you say will persuade me to avoid going to town. I need to go there whether you approve or not; you don't understand."

I turned on my heel and started walking in the direction of the town. But Carlisle's single thought made me halt.

_Then tell me._

I stood there, with my back still to my parents, and closed my eyes. I couldn't tell them; they wouldn't understand. I shook my head ever so slightly, and continued walking.

I, myself, didn't really understand my need to go into town and put myself in the midst of hundreds of humans; especially when there was a risk of _her _being there. All I knew was that I needed to go there.

As I walked to town now, I no longer noticed my surroundings. I was unaware of the picturesque fields of wildflowers and grass, the soft _whoosh _of the wind as it blew. I simply walked along the path towards town – rain sprinkling down and creating tiny, glistening diamonds in my auburn hair – musing.

I found myself hoping that _she _would be there, though the reason eluded me. I had no sufficient motive that would justify my wishes; in fact, it was probably in both mine and her best interests that I not go there. But I had to see her. Whether or not she would be there was a different story altogether; but if she was, I knew that I would be content.

_But why am I feeling these things at all? _I asked myself the same question over and over on the journey to town. I racked my brains, trying to think of a suitable answer that would give reason to these new emotions. But each time I searched and found nothing, it only bemused me further.

I was wrenched out of my musings when I collided with a woman, who stumbled. I reacted and caught her before she hit the ground. I had reached town without realising. I composed myself quickly and turned to her to apologise.

"I'm terribly sorry, Madame, I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking," I gave her a small smile and set her back on her feet.

She didn't say anything for a moment. She just stood there and gawked at me, her breathing quickening by the second.

_My, what a handsome boy! _She thought in admiration. _And so polite…I wonder if I look okay...He must think me a clumsy fool, tripping in the middle of the street like that…but my, he is handsome!_

I fought back a smirk as I listened to these thoughts.

"Are you okay, Madame?" I asked politely.

She just stared, wide eyed and breathless. I raised my eyebrows and gave her an inquisitive look. She blinked a few times and closed her mouth quickly, for it had fallen open.

"What? Oh, yes…yes, I'm fine, thankyou," she replied finally, still somewhat dazed. I gave her a smile– and distinctly heard her heart stop - , inclined my head and continued walking.

Now that I was free from my reverie, I saw that I was once again in the marketplace where I had come to yesterday. Not much had changed; it was still under-populated and smaller than the main square. The only difference today was that a thin sheet of rain was falling, coating everything it touched with an emaciated layer of moisture.

I kept walking, all the while keeping an eye out for _her. _I still couldn't figure out why I cared so much that she was there; these new feelings were strange to me. Nevertheless, I scanned the market for her long, brown hair, her ivory complexion; and her scent. I searched for a very long time, weaving through the crowds of people, trying to find her. I went all over town, until finally returning to the same place I had started, unsuccessful. I went into the same alleyway I had ducked into previously and sat down once more on the hard, damp surface. I felt depressed that my search for the anonymous female had been in vain – still confused as to why I should feel sad at all – and I now prepared for the journey home. Then, just as I was about to give up all hope, I saw her.

I don't know how my eyes noticed her before my nose did, but I didn't much care. She was here. I had spent two days relentlessly obsessing over her, experiencing emotions I had never experienced before, went all over town in search of her for reasons I could not explain; and she was here. She sat on a wooden bench with another girl who looked about the same age as her. They were talking animatedly and both were smiling, though the girl that had my attention still had a shade of irritation and what seemed like restraint on her face. They were about 25 metres away from me, under the shade of a protruding shop roof. I shifted my position, so that I would not be seen if they, by chance, happened to glance my way. I could hear every word of their conversation clearly.

So I sat there, crouching and peering out from the alleyway, just watching them. I knew that I must look like a pervert to passers by, but I didn't pay much attention to their thoughts. All of my attention was focused on the two ladies sitting across the street from me. I didn't take much notice of her friend; there was no one else but her. I listened to their casual, slightly inane conversation with amusement. They seemed perfectly at ease with each other, laughing loudly whenever the other made an entertaining remark; they simply enjoyed each other's company.

I found myself smiling as I watched _her; _admiring the way her lips moved whenever she spoke, staring at her soft hair that was now sparkling with the light rain, feeling a curious warmth flow through me whenever she laughed. Even when she and her friend were not communicating, when they had lapsed into a still comfortable silence, I was able to marvel at her amazing perfection. The way she bit her lip slightly whenever she was nervous, the way she looked about her surroundings with interest, waving at passers by, the way her wide eyes seemed to shine whenever she smiled.

I inhaled sharply and instantly picked up her delicious scent. It was just as mouth-watering as before. Instinctively, I sat on my hands and closed my eyes, employing all of my self-control. I felt a strong urge to attack the closest human I could find; but I resisted. The last thing I needed was to use my superhuman abilities to kill an innocent, exposing my species in the process. I fought with myself internally, using all of my willpower to restrain myself, and finally opened my eyes; I remained sitting on my hands. When the venom that had pooled in my mouth finally receded, I once again turned my attention to the two females. They were talking once more.

I still couldn't mistake the internal anguish and irritation that hid behind _her _eyes, which her friend was so oblivious to. I pondered on all the possibilities that would explain her obvious torment. Perhaps she had a fight with her father? But something in her expression told me that it wasn't just an asinine argument between father and daughter; it was something more serious.

I continued to watch her and her companion, until it started to get dark and they rose to leave. I, too, stood up – my fingers were numb. I flexed them until the feeling returned and turned to observe the ladies once again. _She _was saying goodbye to her friend, giving her a swift embrace before smiling and departing. I watched her walk slowly down one of the streets that branched out from the main square. Her hair fluttered in the breeze, carrying her scent with it and hitting me square in the nostrils; my whole body tensed. I followed the erratic movements of her blue dress as it flapped about in the wind. Her head was bent against the blustery weather, so I could not see her expression clearly. Then, she rounded the bend of the narrow, cobbled path and disappeared from sight.

I was smiling again. It struck me now, as I passed the cathedral and returned to the main street, the answer to my burning question. Why I had been plagued mercilessly with thoughts of her; why I had snapped at my parents in a manner unlike my own; why I went about endlessly searching the city for her beautiful form; why every time I thought of her my knees went slack and I was unable to form coherent speech; why I smiled whenever I saw her face that radiated glory; why the sweet sound of her voice made me swell with pleasure and brought music to my ears.

It was because I loved her.


	4. Yes and No

I quickly established a routine. Every day I would travel into town and situate myself in that same damp alleyway and wait for her, breathing a sigh of relief every time I saw her there. It was a very fortunate coincidence that she was there every time I went to see her; it was almost as if she knew I would be there, waiting for her. But she gave no indication that she was aware of my presence – she went about her business as usual; browsing the market, occasionally greeting a passing acquaintance.

And so this practice went on, ever since that fateful night I had realised that I loved her.

Of course, Carlisle and Esme were fully aware of my abnormal behaviour. They questioned me countless times on my frequent trips into town, pleading with me to stay away from "that place", for fear of me hurting someone. But I would not be dissuaded. I casually dismissed their worries, reassuring them that no harm would befall anyone while I was in town. Other times I snapped at them, insisting that they stop prying into my business and then storming out of the house in a huff. I always returned home shortly afterwards, for the guilt would soon melt away my anger and compel me to apologise. Deep down I knew that they were right; that it would be prudent for me to stay away from the town.

But I didn't care. _She _had become a need; like what oxygen was to humans, what blood was to me. It was as if whenever I was away from her, a deep void would form within me, getting bigger with every passing minute that we were separated. Her absence made me ache, grieve – a pain that would only subside when I saw her face, breathed in her delectable scent. I ignored my thirst – or, tried to, at least – and went to town every day in order to see her. No matter how much it called to me; screamed, begged for me to surrender and attack her, I would not do it. Even if it caused me excruciating pain and discomfort – and it often did – I would not take another human life. I couldn't bear it if I lost control and killed her; I utilized all of my self-control in order to control my thirst.

I only noticed that it was raining after I had stepped outside into the front garden. I was preparing to go into town once again, as I did every morning. I went back inside to retrieve my coat, and once again went out into the freezing cold. The rain was coming down heavily now, but I ignored it and strode down the path towards town. Already the hole inside me was closing slightly, fed with the knowledge that I would see her soon. I resisted the urge to run there – that would surely expose my species. Even so, I quickened my pace slightly and bent my head against the wind, eager to get to town faster.

I finally reached the city, happy to be amongst the buzz of the townsfolk and familiar shops and buildings. I weaved my way through the crowds of people eager to get out of the rain and found my alleyway. I sat on the soaked ground and leaned against the brick wall, waiting.

It was not long before I smelled her. She was nearby. Even after having inhaled her scent countless times, I still managed to be swept away by the sweet fragrance. It was delicate and rather floral – it reminded me of a meadow. I sat on my hands quickly, as the familiar thirst threatened to overpower me once more. I peered out from the alleyway and saw her browsing the stalls that lined the streets. She was even more beautiful than before; if that was possible. Her hair was wet, despite her rain jacket and hood, and she looked oddly flushed, as if she'd been running. Her big, chocolate eyes seemed brighter today, though still had that same shade of irritation and restraint behind them. I wished I knew why she seemed so troubled, but as I couldn't hear her thoughts, the answer to her distress would always elude me. It was maddening.

I instead turned my attention to her heartbeat. I concentrated on the rhythmic beating that was so clear in my ears – it was as if she was standing right next to me. It was oddly relaxing, her heartbeat. It soothed my mind and filled the void inside me, sealing it until the time came when I would have to return home. The blood pulsing through her veins had a strange calming effect also. I could hear everything clearly, despite the pounding rain and shrill voices of the townspeople.

The sharp sound of a small girl snapped me out of my daze. She was around seven, and was holding onto her mother's hand, pointing at me. I shifted so that I was out of sight, but that did nothing to stop her questioning. She tugged at her mother's hand and yelled, "Mummy! Mummy, why is that boy sitting there staring at that lady?"

Her mother hushed her child and told her not to speak of such nonsense, but nonetheless looked in the direction that her daughter was pointing. She couldn't see anything. But the little girl persisted and kept yelling, "But Mummy, I swear he's there! He's there, honest!" Her mother finally led her away, all the while shushing her and begging for her to stop making a scene.

My eyes flashed to _her. _She didn't appear to have noticed anything – she was still browsing the stalls and smiling pleasantly to the shopkeeper. I breathed a sigh of relief and was deeply grateful that she hadn't detected any abnormality in her surroundings.

It occurred to me now that, to passers by, I must look like a pervert. I had never paid much attention to their thoughts – mine were usually preoccupied_. _But now that I listened, a common assumption was that I was mentally corrupt; especially in the minds of women. I was not a voyeur; despite people's suspicions. But, all the same, I shifted my gaze and scanned the marketplace, so as not to stare at _her _for a prolonged period of time. Still, I found myself continuing to gaze at her surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye. She was still browsing, completely unaware of my presence. I eventually gave up trying to look away from her and once again focused my attention on her. I was still staring, marvelling at her splendour, when the most unexpected and amazing thing happened.

She looked at me.

My heart – the metaphorical one, of course – stopped. I was sure that if it could beat at all it would have ceased. Our eyes only met for a split second, but it felt like an eternity. Her deep, brown eyes gazed back into mine and I distinctly saw a flash of shock and realisation in them. I had no time to wonder as to why – I was lost in a stupor. It was possible I may have imagined it – but I would swear I heard her gasp slightly. I listened for her heart and heard it beat erratically; her breathing had also quickened. I was unable to move – the intensity of her stare had me rooted to the ground. Not that I wanted to move; I was happy to sit here and look into her eyes forever. She blushed and the blood rushed to her cheeks and tinted them – I nearly died. Her eyes twinkled in a way that had nothing to do with the rain, and seemed to smile back at me. I was utterly entranced by her gaze; it was possible that I loved her even more.

And, alas, she finally looked away. I inhaled sharply and realised that I had ceased to breathe without noticing. I looked down and also noticed that I was still sitting on my hands – they were numb. I let out a shaky laugh and knew that I must look a fool to her; sitting on my hands in the rain in a dank alleyway. I stood up and freed my hands, only to stumble and collapse against the brick wall.

_Oh, angel, what have you done to me? _I thought wanly.

I waited until the strength had returned to my legs and stood upright once more. I could no longer smell _her _blood, so I thought it safe to move again without fear of incapacitation. I walked gracefully through the rain, taking no notice of my dripping hair that was obscuring my vision, my soaking clothes that were plastered to my skin. As soon as I was far away enough from the town I broke into a run, once again experiencing the familiar feeling of exhilaration. The rain was a blur as I ran, becoming nothing but a screen of mist and spray around me.

I reached home and entered silently, stopping to look in the hallway mirror at my features. It was only when I saw my eyes that I knew I was thirsty. But something about them told me that it wasn't just simple thirst that could be satiated with a few forest creatures; it was murderous, ravenous thirst. Realising that I needed to hunt immediately, I turned around and headed for the front door. I had one hand on the doorknob when Esme's voice came from behind me.

"Edward?"

I gave a small sigh and turned around to face my mother. I was too desperate to go hunt to read her thoughts, so I just let her voice them of her own accord.

"Edward, I've been meaning to talk to you for some time. Will you sit?" she gestured to two comfortable looking armchairs behind her. I nodded and followed her into the living room, taking a seat opposite her. She looked concerned.

It was a moment before she spoke. "Edward, what's going on?"

I knew what the question was in reference to. My behaviour, of late had been unusual, distant. I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid this interrogation, but I still decided to play dumb.

"What do you mean?"

Esme raised her eyebrows a fraction. "I think you know exactly what I mean."

I still didn't speak, so she continued.

"Venturing into town every day, not bothering to tell Carlisle or me what's going on. And when we ask, avoiding the questions and acting as if nothing is wrong. Edward, you can't expect me to believe that we haven't noticed your behaviour." She was attempting to be stern, but I could still see the concern in her eyes.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"You wouldn't understand," I said, my voice muffled slightly.

"Try me."

I looked up, my hands still covering all except my eyes. I sighed again and deliberated for a while. Esme would have found out sooner or later, even without hearing Carlisle's version. I dropped my hands and folded them in my lap, took a deep breath and spoke.

"Do you remember the first time I went out hunting since…since then?" I asked. Esme was not puzzled by my vague inquiry; she nodded.

"While hunting, I saw someone; a girl. She was utterly beautiful, I – I couldn't look away. She didn't notice me, but kept walking and then finally disappeared; thank God she didn't, because we surely would have been exposed." I paused. "The next morning I went into town to try and clear my head, for she was all I could think of. But she was there again, this time with a man, her father. They were arguing about something – I couldn't figure out what. I listened to his thoughts and they only puzzled me further. But when I tried to listen to hers, I found nothing. I couldn't read her mind.

"I realised how thirsty I had become while watching her, so I went on another hunt. She made me unbelievably thirsty, Esme. I knew that it would be impossible then, to try and avoid her. I tried everything to distract myself, but nothing proved helpful. I finally gave up trying to stay away from her and travelled into town once again. She was there again, this time with one of her friends. I just sat there, staring at her. Her scent – it's tantalising. I had to employ all of my self-control in order not to attack her. And, as bad as she was for my health, she was also essential to it. I began to ache whenever I was away from her. That is why I went to town every day, why I was so disrespectful towards you and Carlisle – because I needed to see her. I don't even know her, but Esme…I'm in love with her."

My voice had become a whisper, barely audible. Esme said nothing the whole time I was speaking. She just sat there, looking at me with wide eyes. I didn't try and read her thoughts – I was still lost in mine. I looked down at my hands and waited for her to say something.

"Edward…" Esme's voice was a low whisper also, but still clear in my ears. "Edward, I had no idea…"

I still didn't say anything. Esme regained her equanimity and spoke again, this time in a stronger voice.

"This girl you speak of," she said slowly, "Carlisle treated her mother, Renee Swan, for the flu recently."

This was news to me. My eyes flashed to Esme, shocked. _Carlisle had treated her mother?_ I thought, surprised. _Why ever didn't he tell me?_

"She told Carlisle about herself – her family. She has a husband and a daughter, who you are already familiar with. Her daughter prefers people to call her by her abbreviated name – Bella." Esme frowned and looked thoughtful. "Carlisle told me about her before, but I had no idea she was the girl you were referring to…" She trailed off.

The thirst that had been growing within me now clawed at my insides, begging to be satisfied. I drew myself back into reality and turned my attention to Esme.

"Please excuse me, Esme, I really must go hunt," I said, rising from my chair. She, too, rose. I turned around and headed eagerly for the front door. But, once again, Esme's warm voice floated through the air and made me halt.

"Edward, before you go." I was growing more impatient by the second. "Edward, let me give you a piece of advice." Her voice was sincere; I turned to face her and looked at her curiously.

"Please, don't get too close to her. I know it's hard, but trust me when I say that it is in your best interests to stay away from her. You put yourself – and her – in immense danger, and I know you would never forgive yourself if you hurt her. So, please, Edward, just try," she begged, deep concern in her golden eyes. I nodded and, with one last fleeting look at her anxious face, exited the house.

My thirst threatened to overpower me at any moment, but I managed to contain it until I reached the forest.

Esme was right, of course. I knew deep in my heart – the metaphorical one – that no good could ever come of me getting close to _her. _But I simply couldn't help it. I was a horrible, selfish person, and I knew that as much I would try to stay away from her, I would always return. Any attempt to rid her from my thoughts, my life, would be in vain. But, regardless of my feelings, I had to try; for _her _sake.


	5. Horror

I reached the forest and entered it eagerly; my thirst would not wait any longer. I crouched and moved forward quickly, letting my vampire instincts take over. The thirst that had been raging inside me clawed at my insides, begged for me to make haste and satisfy it. It growled and overwhelmed me, filling me with a murderous desire to attack the next thing I laid my eyes on.

The low growl quickly became a thunderous roar; I wondered as to why I was so outrageously thirsty. It wasn't just a simple hunger that could be satiated quickly; this was a deadly thirst that longed for the taste of human blood, for that seemed to be the only thing that would satisfy it.

But I refused. No matter how much it called to me, pleaded endlessly for me to surrender and kill a human I would not. So I quickened my pace and went in a more vigorous search for forest animals, my senses alert.

My thirst threatened to explode from within me when I finally spotted a large herd of deer. I crouched low on the ground and stalked the animals noiselessly, finally rearing back on my legs and pouncing. My lip was curled back over my teeth in a menacing snarl, and a low growl escaped my lips just before I struck. The taste of the deer's blood was like a fine wine after many hours of containing my thirst. It burst forward now, filling me with a natural desire to hunt. I drained the animal, licking my lips to catch the few drops of blood that were leaking from my mouth. Still not satisfied completely, I turned to the other members of the herd.

I hunted aggressively, letting the familiar feeling of thirst take over and guide my senses with accuracy and vigilance. I was still at a loss as to why my thirst was so strong this evening. Usually, it was just like any other thirst, one that would be content with whatever few animals I managed to find. But this one was different. It felt as if my head would explode at any moment; that it would tear right through me if I made it wait any longer. And even when I did finally release it from its confines, it completely overtook my mind, my senses, consuming me with nothing but the desire for blood.

The leaves rustled in the light breeze, occasionally being illuminated by the moonlight – but I took no notice of that. All I was focused on was the hunt, and satisfying my relentless thirst. I sprang forth and stalked another deer, sinking my teeth into it and tasting the familiar liquid that I craved for so fervently now. I was completely immersed in the hunt, so much so that I was totally oblivious to my surroundings, focusing on nothing but the animal I was feasting on. It was powerless against my strength, giving in easily to death and leaving its blood for the taking. I drank and noticed that my thirst was lessening. What used to be a ferocious roar was now a low growl, but still no where near gratified. So I drank more eagerly now, draining the animal of its blood and moving on to the next one.

I was right in the middle of attacking the next deer and drinking from it, when I suddenly heard the thing that made me freeze in horror.

"Oh, my…"

I didn't know what to do. No one had ever accidentally stumbled upon me while hunting, so all I really could do was freeze in place. My species was surely exposed now, and even if this person did manage to convince themself that what they had just witnessed was their imagination, their sanity would certainly be marred. I had stopped hunting now, alarmed and now very conscious of my surroundings. I just stood there, grasping the deer with both hands and staring, wide eyed into space, wondering what on Earth I was going to do now. My mind had gone numb, and all I could think of was the human who'd had the great misfortune of discovering me just now. I thought briefly of facing the human and taking their life, silencing them forever so that their tale would never be recounted to anyone. But I pushed it out of my mind almost instantly. I would not kill another human, no matter how dire the circumstances. I finally settled on the fact that I would have to face this unfortunate human and deal with the ramifications of his discovery in time. I let go of the animal and wiped my hands inconspicuously on my shirt, cleaning them as best I could. I took a deep breath and turned around – only to have it come back out instantly in a horrified gasp.

It was Bella.


	6. Serene Realisation

I very nearly died. Such was the severity of my horror that my knees threatened to buckle from underneath me at any moment. I was shocked; my mind had numbed, my feet rooted to the ground. I could not do anything but stand there, wide-eyed, staring at her in utter astonishment. I scanned her face – which had turned an even whiter pale – and saw the horror that marked her delicate features. Her mouth had opened and her hand was hovering near it, the other shaking slightly. I looked into her eyes and saw the horror – and if I wasn't mistaken – the slight realisation that hid behind her chocolate irises.

As I stood there, frozen in place, all I kept thinking was ­why. Why, of all people, must she be the one to discover my secret – and in such terrible circumstances? _Why? _This unbelievably beautiful human, this woman that had captured my heart so; this was never the way I wanted her to find out. Even if we never spoke to each other - even if it only went as far as eye contact, and we never met each other – I never, _ever, _wanted her to be the one to discover who I truly was; _what _I was.

Time seemed to stand still as we both stood there, stationary and lost in our own thoughts. She hadn't moved the whole time we had been standing there. She just stared, wide-eyed at me, her breathing nearing hyperventilation with every passing second. I tried once more to read her thoughts but failed dismally, wishing for the millionth time that I could read her mind.

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came. I didn't know what I _would _say that would reassure her of her sanity, but all the same, I extended a hand and risked a step forward. I withdrew my hand, however, when she gasped and shock marked her face once more. After a few seconds that seemed like minutes, she turned and ran.

I watched her disappear into the forest with profound sadness and regret. My hand fell limply to my side and I closed my mouth, musing once more. I didn't try and follow her – that would surely terrify her further – but deep down I wanted to. I was disgusted with myself, with what I was. And even if Bella did see me as I was – a loathsome, awful creature that feeds on the blood of animals – I couldn't let her go on not knowing the whole truth. So, without knowing exactly what I was doing, I went in search of her.

I ran north, following her scent with my sharp senses. I did not experience the usual feeling of exhilaration this time – only a fierce determination to find the woman I loved. I didn't know what I would do or say once I found her, but of one thing I was certain; she would never believe me.

Albeit I knew this search was, at best, a vain attempt, I was still firm in my decision. I would find her. I would make her understand. Her scent became stronger as I headed north, through the town and on towards the fields and few houses that lay ahead. I ran faster still, following her delicious fragrance until it threatened to suffocate me.

I was now in the moors, several kilometres away from town. It was still night time and there was a thin fog in the air, the moonlight shining through it and illuminating the heather and grass that covered the ground. The air was ice cold and seemed to swirl around me as I ran through the mist, still searching.

There, blurred slightly by the surrounding haze, was Bella.

She was only a few metres in front of me; she had her back to me but I wondered if she knew I was there.

"Bella?" My voice came out in a whisper, though still audible.

She gasped slightly and whipped round. Her eyes no longer held the horror behind them as they did before; they were now tinged with curiosity and awe. She opened her mouth to say something, but could not seem to form the words.

"Please, let me explain," I said softly, my voice almost pleading.

"What..._are _you?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

I didn't know what I was going to say now. If I told her a lie, she would see right through me. However, if I told her the truth she might run off screaming in the other direction – assuming she believed me. But I knew that there was no other way. No matter what I told her – whether she believed me or not – would have to be the truth.

I looked into her eyes and realised that this might possibly be the last time I saw them. Whether she thought me a vampire or merely an insane man, I knew that she would never wish to be affiliated with me. I took a deep breath.

"I…I'm a vampire." I paused to let the words sink in. I closed my eyes and bent my head, wondering what on Earth she would think of me now. She hadn't moved at all yet, and I was starting to fear for her sanity. I opened my eyes and raised my head slowly, looking through my eyelashes to see her expression.

Her eyes had widened, but not with the fear and incredulity that I had expected. They were sparkling with realisation and awareness; she was staring at me as if seeing me for the first time. I longed to read her thoughts, to understand what epiphany had suddenly overcome her, but I still could not. I continued, more determined than ever now to make her understand.

"What you saw just then…I was hunting," I said, looking into her eyes. "Bella, you must understand – I never meant for you to see that." My voice was strained with shame.

But Bella was still staring into space, as if looking at something very far away. Her eyes had glazed over and she seemed to be thinking hard. I frowned slightly and risked extending a hand.

"Bella?" I asked gently, now scared that my words had taken their toll on her mental health.

But she still didn't awake from her reverie. She whispered, barely audible, "Of course…"

These words puzzled me. I wondered what she was referring to, and prompted her again.

"Bella?" I repeated, a little louder now.

She snapped out of her trance and looked at me, slightly confused.

"Oh…" she blinked rapidly and tried to regain her composure.

"Bella, why did you say 'of course'?" I asked softly.

She didn't appear to have heard me. She looked at her feet and didn't say anything for a while.

"How did you know my name?" she asked finally, her voice low.

Her careful evasion of the question puzzled me exceedingly, but I decided not to pursue the matter further. Instead, I answered, "My father – he's a doctor. He treated your mother in hospital, and she told him all about you. That's how I knew."

She nodded slightly, still looking at her feet. When she spoke next her voice was small.

"And is he – your family…are they vampires too?"

"Yes," I replied. I continued to look at her, waiting for her to raise her head so I could read her expression. She seemed to be taking the news very well – more so than what a human usually would.

"Aren't…aren't you bothered by this? By me?" I asked, an upwards inflection at the end of the sentence. I was almost irritated.

She raised her head to look at me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, aren't you the least bit frightened by me? The fact that I'm a vampire, a supposedly mythical creature that feeds on blood – doesn't it scare you?" I simply could not understand why she was so calm about this. Any other person would have thought me insane and then run away from me, terrified. But she wasn't like the others. She was…different.

"No," she replied, her voice calm.

I just stared at her, my thoughts buzzing. _She's not scared of me at all, _I thought in amazement. _Here I am, loathsome and horrible, something out of a horror movie, and yet she still stands here – completely undeterred by me… incredible, _I thought with incredulity and fondness.

It was she who took the next risk. She took a slow step forward, her hand outstretched. She continued to walk towards me until we were inches from each other. And then her hand touched my cheek.

Her touch was pleasantly warm; it felt wonderful against my ice-like skin. I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed her touch, letting the feeling envelop me. I had longed to touch her, to be near her, for so long. All the countless times I had went into town and watched her, wanted nothing more than to hold her, realised with growing certainty that I was in love with her; and now it was happening.

I heard her heart thump erratically in her chest as her hand still continued to touch my skin. Her breathing was quickening by the second, and I wondered if I should sever the contact, so as to not cause hyperventilation. But, selfishly, I did not.

"What's your name?" she asked, her voice low.

"Edward Cullen," I replied, just as softly.

We didn't say anything for a while; we simply stood there in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. My eyes remained closed.

I finally opened them when she whispered, "Your skin…its cold."

"Yes." I resisted the urge to chuckle.

Her hand remained on my cheek, but her eyes moved over to meet mine.

"And your eyes," she said curiously, "they're…different."

This time I laughed aloud, albeit softly.

"Yes," I repeated.

She drew her hand away abruptly and looked to the ground. I missed the warmth of her touch but didn't say anything. I was taken aback, slightly, by her abruptness but didn't question her. She seemed to be thinking very hard. Finally, she spoke.

"Do you hunt humans?"

I had to think about my reply before I said it. If I told her about my past – about the countless humans I'd slaughtered – she would certainly be deterred. But then, it seemed that that would be for the best. She had no idea how much danger she was in this very moment. If she only knew how hard it was to resist her delectable scent, how hard it was for me to not kill her every moment that she was near. But again – selfishly – I shied away from that thought. As hard as it was for me to not kill her, I knew that it would be a thousand times harder to be away from her. So I told her only about my current principles.

"No," I said, looking into her eyes. They showed no relief, no profound gratefulness that I was not a human devouring monster that all vampires are depicted to be. _Oh, if only she knew…_

"Why?"

This question caught me off guard. It was not accusatory, nor was it condescending; it was merely curious. I didn't quite know how to form an answer that would make her understand how I so desired not to be the creature, the monster that I was. I looked down and frowned slightly.

"Bella, I –" I began, but broke off when I saw the sun breaking through the clouds. We had been talking for hours; so long, in fact, that it was almost dawn. I had not realised this – I was too engrossed by my own predicament.

I did not wish for her to see what I looked like in the sunlight. Regardless of the fact that there was nothing to hide anymore, I thought this particular trait of mine be discovered later. I looked away from the slowly lightening clouds to face her.

"I think I should take you home now," I said quickly.

"But why?" she asked, confused.

"I…I don't want you to see me in the sun just yet," I replied slowly. Bella's expression turned from serious to amused.

"Because you'll burn?" she asked teasingly.

I still managed a laugh at this remark. "You're incredible."

Bella's expression turned curious once again. "Why don't you want me to see you in the sun?"

I couldn't get into this now, but I didn't want to disappoint her. I resolved to tell her later – a further incentive to see her again tomorrow. I knew that there was no way I would be able to stay away from her now; and if she desired my presence in return then so be it.

"I'll tell you tomorrow," I promised, every syllable true and reassuring.

She nodded. "Okay."

I hesitated briefly, but then took her hand carefully in mine. I heard her heart thump rapidly in her chest, and a smile touched my lips.

"Which way to your house?" I asked.

She pointed into the distance, towards town.

"It's just through town. Keep heading north and you'll eventually see a tiny little cottage," she replied, turning to look at me again.

She tugged at my hand and started to walk in the direction of her residence, but I pulled her back.

I smiled crookedly and distinctly heard her heartbeat quicken. It was so fast now that it was a steady hum, hammering against her rib cage. I smiled even wider.

"I have a faster way," I said, still grinning.

"Wh–what is it?" she asked, breathless.

I didn't say anything but swung her onto my back in one swift movement. She gasped and her hands automatically grasped my neck.

"What are you doing?" she asked, a little panicked.

I smiled and turned my head. "I'm carrying you home."

"You mean you're _running _home?" she asked, incredulous and slightly nervous, "but it's miles away!"

I laughed loudly, a soft growl rumbling in my chest.

"Hold on – and keep your eyes closed," I warned, fearful of her becoming ill along the way.

She squeezed her eyes shut and said, "Okay, they're closed. But I still don't see how we're going to get home without it taking hours."

I laughed again, and after ensuring that she had a tight grip around my neck, I took off.

I heard her gasp as the sudden velocity caused a strong wind to blow in our faces. She pressed her face to my shoulder and tightened her grip on my neck.

I was moving with inhuman speed, the trees rushing past in a blur of green and brown. I weaved surprisingly smoothly through the maze of buildings and stalls when we entered town; I might have been taking a leisurely stroll through the park. I laughed again as the familiar feeling of exhilaration enveloped me, filling me with a joy I hadn't fully experienced in many, many years.

I exited the town and found myself in a field of wildflowers and an abundance of trees. I kept running until I finally found the tiny cottage that Bella had said would be there. I stopped abruptly and she exhaled heavily; I wondered if she'd been holding her breath the whole time.

"We're here," I said gently, easing her off my back and setting her on her feet. The moment she touched the ground, she collapsed. I managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked, my voice anxious now.

She looked into my eyes and blinked rapidly. Her heartbeat quickened once more and she neared hyperventilation. I grasped her shoulders gently.

"Breathe," I reminded her.

"Yes…right…" she said, dazed. Her breathing gradually returned to normal.

We said nothing for a while. We simply stood there, I with my hands still on her shoulders, she with hers by her sides, fidgeting with her dress every so often.

I sighed. "I have to go now." The sun still threatened to break through the clouds and shine upon my skin. A few rays were already casting a soft, orange glow on the grass.

Bella's face fell. "I don't want you to go," she mumbled, looking down.

I sighed again. "Neither do I, Bella, neither do I," I admitted.

"Promise you'll tell me tomorrow?" she asked, her voice hopeful.

I knew what she was referring to. I smiled. "I promise."

I took one last look at her angelic face, and turned to leave.

"No!" Her single, soft word of protest made me stop. I turned around.

Her face was marked by fear and panic, and the sparkle that she usually held in her eyes was replaced with a knowledge I was unknown to. I studied her face, trying to work out what it was that had her troubled so, but no explanation came to mind.

I placed one hand gently to her cheek and lifted her chin with the other. I sighed.

"I will return tomorrow, don't fear," I reassured her softly.

She opened her mouth to protest, but I pressed a cool finger to lips and stopped her. Her lips parted slightly and she sighed, finally surrendering. I smiled crookedly once more.

"Until tomorrow," I said, reminding her of my promise.

I gently stroked her face with my fingertips, and turned to leave again. I heard no objection from her as I walked away from the small cottage and went in the direction of my house.

The sun glinted on the edge of the clouds ominously, but there were no humans around, so I didn't fear exposure. I quickened my pace however, when recalling the fact that Carlisle and Esme would be worrying about me at home.

I thought only of Bella the entire journey home. I still could not grasp the fact that she was not fazed at all by the news that I was a vampire. Seeing the look of realisation behind her eyes, one would think she had known all along. She was so calm, so unfazed by the whole situation; it bemused me greatly.

I flinched as the hole that was created in her absence ripped through me now. There was a dull ache deep within me, growing more and more painful with each moment I was away from her. I felt anxious to be away from her; I resisted the urge to return to her and ensure that she was safe.

_You're going insane…_I thought with slight humour. It was true; each second that we were apart felt like an eternity, filled with panic and anxiety, only subsiding when I was with her again.

I was no longer thirsty – the hunt previously had taken care of that. But merely recalling her delicious scent, the wonderful perfume that coursed through her veins was like torture. I knew I was no good for her. I knew, deep down, that being with her would only endanger her life further – but I was a vampire. And, like all vampires, I was a horrible creature. I was selfish, and so I knew I would continue to return to her, even though I risked killing her with every moment we were together.

But, so long as we both desired the other, _needed _the other, we would be inseparable. Our lives were too intricately entwined now to try and escape. She was a human and she knew my secret. She had – albeit, accidentally – discovered my true identity and thus was drawn into this world that I never intended her to be involved in.

Because, no matter how much I longed for her touch all those times in the town, how much I wanted her near, I would never want her to be caught up in all of this. Even if I never met her, I would gladly accept that fate than rather her be affiliated with someone like me. _Somet_hing_ like me, rather, _I thought bitterly.

But, alas, it all boiled down to the same conclusion: I loved her. No matter how hard I would try to stay away from her, cut myself out of her life, I would not be able to; because I loved her. Even if she wished me to be gone from her life – and I would – I could not be completely separated from her.

I cringed again as the hole within me sent a fresh wave of pain coursing through my body. It seemed to widen with every step I took towards my house, and away from her. I struggled to remain upright and recalled the promise I had made her before departing.

_Only one more night, _I reminded myself firmly. Surely I could last one night?

But something told me that it would not be as easy as I assumed it to be.

I recognised my house, and realised that my feet had dragged themselves here of their own accord, my mind unable to direct it, as it was lost in musings once more. I did not enter the house, however, instead stopping outside and resting my forehead against the cool wood of the door. I closed my eyes and tried to prepare for the coming hours. It would be horrible to be away from her for that long, but again I tried to cease the ache within me by reassuring it of the promise I had made earlier.

I sighed again.

Until tomorrow.


	7. Diamond Façade

I already knew what Carlisle and Esme would say once I entered the house. Their thoughts were buzzing frantically, concerned for my safety and wondering what on Earth would have happened to me that would cause my extended absence. I knew that once I crossed the threshold and they caught the scent of Bella all over me, suspicions would be raised. But I was prepared to explain the recent occurrences to my parents, however unbelievable they might sound. I didn't know how they would react to the news that Bella knew of our existence, but regardless of their reaction, they had to know.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. Carlisle and Esme were there, waiting for me in the foyer. When they saw my entrance they rushed towards me, their faces inquisitive.

"Edward, where have you been?" Esme asked.

"Out hunting, like I said," I replied calmly. "I found some deer."

Carlisle sniffed the air and gave me a slightly reproachful look.

"And is that all?"

I knew the time had come to inform them of the circumstances.

"Actually, there is something else," I said solemnly. Carlisle raised his eyebrows and Esme looked concerned. "Come, we'll sit."

I walked past them into the sitting area and took an armchair. Carlisle and Esme followed behind and sat opposite me. Neither of them spoke, waiting for me to say something.

"While I was out hunting, something happened," I began slowly. "I was in the middle of feeding from a deer, when someone found me."

I paused and looked up at my parents. Shock marked their faces; Esme had ceased to breathe. The news that a human had discovered our species was mortifying for them. If they thought this was bad, they knew nothing of what was to come. I continued.

"They just…came from behind me…" I said, now lost in thought, my voice distant. "I was horrified; nothing like that had ever happened before. We were exposed."

We lapsed into silence again, and a period of internal communication took over. Carlisle interrupted my thoughts with one of his own.

_And who was it?_

He seemed to already know the answer, but asked nonetheless. I looked straight at him, my eyes glazed over as if looking at something far away.

"Bella," I whispered. I winced as I reminisced on that moment when I turned and saw that it was her, shock and mortification in her brown eyes.

Esme gasped slightly and Carlisle looked as though his worst suspicions had been confirmed.

"Oh, Edward…whatever did you do?" It was Esme that had spoken.

I forced myself to regain my composure and swallowed hard.

"I followed her," I replied. Esme's mouth opened and Carlisle looked as though he was about to voice his disapproval, but I interjected quickly.

"No, you don't understand," I said, raising my hands in front of me. "I found her in the moors – she was no longer shocked. When I told her that I was a vampire she wasn't surprised at all; it was as if she had known all along…" I explained hastily, determined to make them understand.

"Are you sure, Edward?" Carlisle inquired. He looked doubtful as to my description of Bella's reaction. "Surely the news that you were a vampire would have some effect on her?"

"That's what I thought. But, Carlisle, she's not like any other person I've ever met. She's…different, unlike any other normal human," I replied, frowning as I tried to remember exactly how she had reacted to the news that I was a vampire.

"And? What did you do next?" Esme inquired, prompting me with her eyes to continue.

"I took her home, as the sun was beginning to rise – I did not want her to see me in the sunlight," I responded. To my surprise, Carlisle chuckled.

"Why ever not? I dare say there is nothing to hide from her anymore, Edward!" he said, still laughing.

I managed a laugh at this remark.

Esme, however, did not express amusement. She was still concerned, and I could hear it in her voice when she asked, "What are you going to do?"

"I am going to see her tomorrow." I knew that this was not what she was referring to, and shortly after my response Esme set out to correct herself.

"That's not what I meant," she said, fully aware that I, too, knew what the question was in reference to.

I sighed.

I knew, deep in my heart – the metaphorical one – that I would not be able to stay away from Bella now. The love that I had for her created a bond that connected our lives, intertwined them so elaborately that nothing would sever it. The fact that she now knew my secret, knew of the existence of my species, only strengthened that bond further. Only if she requested that I leave would be the only time I would. My very presence endangered her life every moment that we were together, and if she wanted me out of her life then so be it. But for now, at least, I would not go. No matter how much pain it caused me to resist her blood; how much effort I utilized in order not to harm her; how much I knew that the relationship between vampire and human was utterly incongruous; I would not leave her. I loved her – she was my life now.

"I can't stay away from her, Esme," I said, realising how very true that statement was. "I know I should – I know every moment of every day that it's not right – but I can't." I sighed heavily.

Carlisle and Esme both nodded, as if finally comprehending the severity of the love I had for Bella. They did not seem to have more questions in mind, so I rose from my chair and headed towards the staircase that wound upwards, onto the bedrooms and study. I had one hand on the rail and was about to climb up the stairs, when Carlisle's single, low question stopped me.

"Do you love her?"

A ridiculous enquiry, to say the least – the answer was more than obvious. But something about the way he asked – so tentatively and sincerely – made me halt and question my own feelings. I thought hard on just how extensive my love for this woman was. I knew that it was vast, but I hadn't really delved deep into my own self and comprehended just how immeasurable it was. I now began to grasp just how profound, how incredibly unfathomable my feelings for Bella were. It was more than enough for eternity.

I turned my head to the side and looked down, wondering how best to form an answer that would explain what I was feeling this very moment.

"More than you know…"

I had barely whispered, but I knew that Carlisle and Esme would have heard it. They said nothing, so I continued upstairs towards my bedroom.

I browsed the many bookshelves I had in my room, looking for anything of interest. My search was in vain, so I retreated to my leather couch and stretched out on it, relaxing.

I saw today's newspaper on my desk and this confused me – I was certain it was not there before. I then recalled the fact that I had been out for most of the night and morning, dealing with my own predicament concerning Bella. I smiled slightly at my short term memory loss, and reached for the newspaper.

I flipped through the pages, unsatisfied with the articles I was finding. They were not what one would classify as news – mainly insipid items containing nothing of importance. Then a familiar headline caught my eye: SERIAL KILLER STRIKES AGAIN IN SMALL TOWN. I realised that this was in conjunction with the article I had found previously, the one about the anonymous murderer killing innocent people in this very town. Intrigued, I read:

"Two more people have been found dead in a field, north of the local town. Police suspect the same culprit to the two previous murders, and fear that this may be the work of a serial killer.

The bodies were found with the same slashes on their clothes, the same deep wounds across their bodies; one was even found with severed limbs. A local police officer reports, 'This is becoming an epidemic. We must find the culprit quickly in order to prevent more innocent lives from being taken.'

The first body was found half-buried in the soil, covered in grass, the other left in the middle of the field under a tree.

The circumstances of the killings puzzled authorities even further, and while they reassure locals that they are doing everything they can to capture the offender, the investigation is surely not over yet."

My suspicions were stronger than ever now as I finished the article.

I had many reasons to suspect werewolves; not just the fact that we were sworn enemies, but the conditions of the corpses found seemed similar to the result of a werewolf attack.

I took the paper with me into Carlisle's study, where I found my father writing some document with inhuman speed. His elegant script, however, was perfect. He did not look up when I entered, but continued writing quickly.

"Carlisle?" I called out, my voice curious.

"Mmm?" Carlisle still did not look up, his hand never pausing for a second.

I unfolded the newspaper and thrust it towards him.

"Read this."

Carlisle finally stopped writing and looked up, my outstretched hand inches from his face. He took the paper silently, and with a slightly puzzled expression, began to read.

He finished the article within minutes, and upon concluding, looked up at me. He was more bewildered than ever.

"Why did you show me this?" he asked.

"The murders," I began. "Don't they seem familiar?"

Carlisle was still confused.

"_Werewolves_," I said emphatically. Carlisle finally seemed to comprehend my vagueness.

"You mean to suggest that werewolves are responsible for these murders?" he concluded, still slightly quizzical. Then he chuckled.

"I don't think so, Edward."

"Why not?" I asked, rather deflated. I was so certain.

"The circumstances of the killings are similar to that of werewolves, yes. But the way these people were murdered; it is too" – he frowned, trying to think of the right word – "_delicate _to be the work of werewolves."

I nodded, and took the newspaper back from Carlisle. Slightly confused, I turned and exited the room. Carlisle's pen was already furiously scratching away when I closed the door behind me.

I had been so sure that it was werewolves. I wondered as to why I cared so much about these murders, but found no answer. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and returned to my bedroom. I browsed the bookshelves one again, finally accepting a battered volume and beginning to read.

I could not focus on the book properly; my mind kept returning to Bella. I flinched as the familiar feeling of longing and anxiety consumed me again. I had to resist the urge to run to her house and see her, to prematurely fill the void that was being created within me right now. I had been foolish – so very foolish – to assume that I could last one night away from her. It was true; I would be seeing her tomorrow. But I couldn't wait that long. It made me anxious to be away from her for a prolonged period of time, and tonight was clear evidence of that. I shook my head to clear it, and tried once again to focus on my book.

I was grateful when the sun rose the next morning. Usually I would be unappreciative of the sunlight, avoiding it at all costs. But this particular morning brought the reminder that I would get to see Bella today, so the sunlight seemed considerably less bleak than what I would usually have made it out to be. Today, I would not be deterred.

I tossed my novel aside happily, thankful that I did not have to endure another second of its mindless nonsense. I flew down the stairs, stopping only to don my coat and bid farewell to Carlisle and Esme. They already knew where I was going and, surprisingly, did not object.

The sun was not shining so brightly that I would sparkle extremely, but I shrugged on my coat nonetheless. I chose a shortcut through the forest that would bypass the town, giving me the freedom to run without fear of exposure.

I darted through the forest, eager to get to Bella's house. Trees and grass rushed by in a blur of green as I ran.

I recognised Bella's house immediately. Lights were on inside, and I wondered if she had told her parents where she was going today. I smirked as I imagined the absurd conversation – Bella explaining with ridiculous calmness, that she was going off with a vampire for the day.

I climbed up the side of the house and reached what I assumed to be Bella's bedroom window. The room was rather small, keeping in with the size of the cottage. Her bed was empty and unmade. Bella was not present, and I wondered anxiously where she could have gotten to.

I breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the room.

She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her face was still that lovely pale colour; it flushed with red, however, when she saw me outside the window. Her hair was wet, possibly from some morning showering ritual. Her deep, brown eyes stared into mine with evident surprise at seeing me here. Her heart was beating erratically once more.

I opened the window effortlessly with one hand and stepped into her room that was illuminated slightly by the sunlight. Not enough to cause my skin to sparkle uncontrollably, but enough to make it glow softly.

"'Morning," I said cheerfully, and flashed a crooked smile, my teeth glinting in the faint sunlight.

Bella did not say anything, but instead smiled wanly in response. She walked towards me, still staring, still silent.

The corners of my mouth flicked upwards in a grin. "Did I frighten you?"

She did not answer immediately, instead continuing to walk towards me, until her fingertips found mine. I sighed and was deeply thankful, my anxiety subsiding, the void within me finally sealing.

"No," she replied finally.

I shook my head in disbelief and a smile touched my lips. I was faintly irritated. I did not say anything, but grasped her hand completely now, and hoisted her onto my back, preparing to run again.

"What?" she asked, determined to know what had caused my expression.

"You're not scared of anything," I replied, a smile in my voice, tinged with irritation again.

"Of course I am," she replied, as if it was obvious. Then her tone turned teasing. "Should I be?"

I chuckled and muttered, "It's about time you were."

I laughed again and jumped out the window, landing softly on the ground and running with inhuman agility once more.

I headed towards a small field of grass and heather that I had stumbled upon once. It was a wonderful place, enclosed by trees and with an unobscured view of the sky. We reached it within minutes.

I informed Bella that it was safe to open her eyes, and eased her gently off my back and onto the ground. As soon as she saw where we were, she tried to stifle a gasp – but failed. The sunlight was filtering quite strongly now through the few clouds, though I was still protected by my long coat. The sun shone on the grass and caused a faint, green glow to radiate from the sward. It was exquisite.

"Do you like it?" I asked Bella.

She nodded, still lost in the fascination of the field we were in.

"It's wonderful," she breathed.

I laughed, and this seemed to snap her out of her reverie. She turned to look at me and her mouth opened in what seemed like wonder. I wished once again that I could read her mind; know what was going through her head this very moment. I was still trying to read her thoughts and failing in vain, when awareness glinted in her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked.

She raised her eyebrows, as if expecting me to know what she meant. Again, I cursed the fact that her mind was blank to me.

I cocked my head to the side and I said curiously, "What?"

She sighed heavily, her manner teasingly exasperated.

"You promised," she reminded me.

I now recalled the fact that I had indeed given her my word that I would allow her to see me in the sunlight. I laughed at my own foolishness.

Smiling and without a word, I took off my coat and exposed my skin to the sun.

Bella gasped again. She stood there, unmoving and staring at my skin. Her eyes glittered with amazement and wonder; they never left me once. I turned to face her completely now, the smooth, white marble of my skin casting glittering diamonds into the sky with every movement I made. I grinned, flashing my teeth; they glowed brilliantly in the sunlight and Bella even held up a hand to shield her face from the incandescence.

"Sorry," I murmured quickly, closing my mouth. A faint smile still played along the edges of my lips.

Bella still did not speak. I began to wonder if she had snapped; my glittering skin too much for her to take and hence going into a very overdue state of shock. Her eyes still glinted with wonder.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly.

My enquiry seemed to draw her out of her trance. She opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it abruptly.

After another moment of hesitation, she replied quietly, "You." She looked down in embarrassment, and she blushed a divine rose colour. I smiled.

"Me too," I replied, looking straight into her eyes. She blushed again.

She looked away, and sat down lightly on the grass. She sat cross-legged, and after a moment of staring at her knees, she looked up at me again. I joined her on the ground, kneeling; her eyes followed me.

"What about me, specifically?" I asked lightly.

"Everything," she replied simply. "Your skin…"

I laughed. "Does it frighten you?" My voice was teasingly hopeful.

"No. Amazes me, more like," she replied. "Then again, everything about you amazes me." She looked down pointedly.

I laughed a hollow laugh, though my eyes were still smiling. _What on Earth could amaze her about a horrible creature like me? _I thought.

"Still not scared? Shocked?"

Her eyes flashed up to mine. "You seem disappointed."

I grinned crookedly again, and shrugged.

We lapsed back into silence, though it was not uncomfortable. Bella seemed to be lost in thought; she tugged absent-mindedly on a tuft of grass every so often. I did not question her, but took the time to simply gaze upon her in the sunlight. Her pale skin seemed whiter than ever in the light, illuminated slightly, though it was not transparent. Her long, brown hair shimmered, and every small movement of her head caused it to glow even brighter.

And then she looked up. Her eyes stared into mine, gentle yet probing; she smiled slightly, as if pondering on something particularly amusing.

"What is it?" I asked, smiling also.

"Your skin…" she trailed off, wistful again.

I reached out to stroke her face gently, the swift movement startling her momentarily. I froze, my hand still in place. But then her face relaxed; I resumed the gentle caressing of her cheek. My arm and hand twisting every so often caught the light, throwing gleaming rainbows into the sky; the tiny diamonds danced in the few wisps of white that interrupted the otherwise cloudless sky.

Bella noticed my skin and the sudden burst of sparkling light that it cast into the atmosphere. Her eyes turned thoughtful again, but before I had time to analyse them, they were closed. They remained so while I continued to gently stroke her face.

She laughed suddenly, softly, and murmured fondly, "You put the sun to shame."

I chuckled. My hand moved to caress her eyelids, her brow bone. Her eyes opened suddenly, and I drew my hand away. She gave me a contrite look, but I laughed lightly, silently assuring her that there was no need for apology.

"Charlie would kill me if he knew I was here," she said, finally breaking the silence.

"Why – because you're here with a male he is unknown to, or the fact that that male is a vampire?" I asked jokingly. She smiled, but it did not touch her eyes.

"I'm serious," she insisted, now that I had begun to laugh. "He's quite the over-protective type."

My laughter faded away, as if the wind had taken it with it, scattering the loud, musical tones over the forest and diminishing with the breeze.

"Tell me about your father – your family," I requested, thoughtful. I realised that, as much as I was in love with Bella, I knew nothing of her family – or herself, for that matter. I didn't know, what she liked and disliked, her hobbies, her interests.

Bella seemed surprised by my sudden curiosity into her personal life, but she answered all the same.

She spoke animatedly of her mother, who was, in some ways, like her. They had the same features, though their personalities were certainly very different. Her mother was, apparently, carefree, happy most of the time, and rather erratic; Bella seemed to be the voice of authority when it came to her mother.

I inquired as to what her interests were, her favourite foods, hobbies – everything. I wanted to know absolutely everything there was to know about this gorgeous being sitting in front of me. The mere fact that she was sitting here in the grass with a vampire, completely undeterred by what I was; I felt the need to question everything about her to fully understand why she was so comfortable with that fact.

"Are you done yet?" she asked, after answering yet another one of my questions.

"Certainly not," I replied calmly. "I'm far from done."

"Why all the questions, anyway?"

I smiled faintly and stroked her hair.

"You intrigue me more than anyone I've ever met, Bella," I replied thoughtfully.

"Me?" Bella was incredulous. "What could I possibly have that could intrigue you? I'm not very interesting, you know."

I chuckled softly. "Quite the contrary. If you only knew how enthralling you are to me…" I trailed off, still gently stroking her hair.

"Then tell me," she insisted.

I shook my head and grinned. "I'm still not done with you, remember?"

Bella sighed heavily and complied grudgingly. I laughed and continued with my questioning.

After a while she became tired of my endless inquiries, and insisted that she ask the questions now.

"What would you like to know?" I asked after ceasing my inquiries and shifting so that I was more comfortable.

"I want to know why you don't hunt humans," she said after a while. "Before, in the moors – you never got to finish what you were saying."

I struggled to form an answer that would make her understand why I deviated from the ways of normal vampire dieting habits. I decided that if there was ever going to be some sort of just aspect to our relationship, I would have to be honest with her, about both by present – and my past.

"Carlisle, my adoptive father, introduced me to the new ways that he created," I began. My voice was low, distant. "He had discovered many years before that our thirst could be satiated enough by animal blood that we would not have to hunt humans as well. He was always the most compassionate, the most moral – he never wanted to kill innocents. That's why he changed Esme and me when we were near death."

I smiled suddenly. "He calls us vegetarians."

Bella did not say anything, so I continued.

"But then, a decade after I was changed I'd had enough. I didn't want to drink animal blood anymore, and, since I was a newborn, my cravings were much stronger than they are now.

"So I rebelled. I went off in search of humans, seeking out only the worst and taking their lives instead. I'd killed them…slaughtered them and taken their blood like a savage…"

I looked at Bella, scanning her face to see her reaction to my confession. Her face was slightly paler than before, but still showed no immense terror or disgust by what I had told her.

"A few years after my rampage, the guilt began to creep up on me. I became disgusted with myself, with what I was. I had abandoned everything Carlisle had taught me, given in to everything I had been trying not to be for so long; and I hated it. So I came back to Carlisle and Esme, who, of course, welcomed be back with open arms... I didn't deserve it."

Bella had said nothing during my monologue. I gazed into her eyes, whishing once again that I could read her mind; know what thoughts were rushing through her head and causing her expression. Her eyes stared back into mine and stayed there for what seemed like forever.

"And now?"

Bella's question came out rather shakily; her voice was low.

"I have not killed a human since," I replied, pronouncing each word carefully. "I simply refuse to take another human life. Carlisle's way of feeding is more…humane" – I snickered internally at the word – "than the traditional methods." I looked up at Bella and held her gaze. "I try so hard, Bella, to resist what I am. I try to be ethical, to have some sort of principles – like that will give me redemption from what I am. I don't want to kill people, and that is why I resist; why I refuse to feed on humans. I…I don't want to be a monster."

My voice was soft, thoughtful. I looked down, unable to face Bella as I sat in silence, waiting for her to say something.

Something warm touched my cheek. I realised it was Bella's hand. I looked up and saw her staring at me with wide, sad eyes.

"You're not a monster," she said softly, gently stroking my cheek with her thumb.

"But I am," I replied in a low voice. I sighed and took her hand away from my face, holding it tenderly in mine. I gazed down at our hands while I spoke. "You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kill _you, _Bella." Her hand twitched in mine. "All those times I went to town and watched you…somewhere in my mind was the helpless, relentless desire to kill you – and it made me sick. I loved you so much" – her hand twitched again – "and I hated myself for thinking those things.

"Just being near you made me almost die of thirst. I managed to control myself – miraculously – until you had gone and I could go home and hunt."

"If I made you so uncomfortable, why did you keep coming back?" Bella asked in a whisper.

"Because I loved you, Bella. Despite my desires to take your life every moment that you were near, I also loved you. In many ways that made it worse, the feelings I had for you. I struggled with myself for so long, trying to understand these complex emotions that were so new to me, trying to contemplate how on Earth I could want to kill you, but still love you at the same time.

"So I came back. Every day, I would go to town and ignore my thirst as best I could in order to see you. It made me insane – the scent of your blood in that crowded, hot little marketplace. But I didn't care. Regardless of my thirst, I knew that I would rather cause myself extreme discomfort than not see you at all."

Bella's hand felt limp in mine. It had grown considerably warmer throughout my speech, and though it was now searing hot, I continued to hold it, grateful for the warmth.

"I…I saw you…in the town…" Bella's shaky voice came clearly to my ears, though she had barely whispered.

I looked up now, gazing at her.

"I know – I saw you, too," I replied, reminiscing on that glorious moment when our eyes had met.

"That was the moment I'd realised that I loved you." Her confession was uttered swiftly, with just a hint of timidity. I wondered if she had meant to say it.

Suddenly and without warning, I was overcome by a strong desire to kiss her. Though I knew that to exercise such an idea was pushing the limits far past their precincts, I still leaned forward. Her hand was still in mine, and she sat cross legged on the grass, I, with my legs under my thighs, kneeling. Her hand grew hotter and hotter as I leaned in. I was apprehensive, wondering what would happen if I could not cope being in such close proximity to Bella, and I shuddered at the thought. I would have to exercise the fullest self-control in order to not push myself too far, and not accidentally hurt her. But I decided I would risk it. I had waited for an opportunity like this for so long, and now I was going to seize it.

My conscience, however, was thinking clearly. It screamed at me, yelled for me to stop and consider what I was doing – but I already had. I was disciplining myself enough that I would be able to control my thirst, if it happened to rise and threaten to overpower me. But my mind still persisted.

_You're an idiot…_ It hissed at me bitterly, trying once again to make me understand that my behaviour was irrational, imprudent. But it was too late.

I leaned forward slowly, tilting my head and staring straight into her eyes. Her hand twitched yet again in mine, and her breathing quickened greatly.

_Stupid, stupid, idiot. _

I ignored the screaming and continued to incline towards Bella. Her scent was pungent in my nostrils, radiating off her skin and swirling around me, the sweet fragrance filling my every pore.

_Fool._

Her heart was hammering against her ribs, so fast now that I thought it would jump out of her chest. Her breathing was erratic and seemed to come even faster as I leaned in. Our faces were inches from each other now, and her breath was warm and sugary against my cheek. Slowly, slowly, I closed the small space between us and our lips met.

I could no longer hear the protesting voices in my head, notice the grass or the sun or anything else – my mind was buzzing. In the instant that our lips had connected, a shock, much like a small electric current, had flooded through me. If I had thought her scent was wonderful, it was nothing compared to her taste. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Floral and absolutely soaking with syrup, it filled every pore, numbed my thoughts and tasted so unbelievably sweet that it very nearly made me dizzy. Her lips parted slightly and she sighed, the sweet ambrosia coming even more powerful and further intoxicating me. I was undeniably euphoric.

And then my thirst welled up inside me. It raged through me, finally seeing the chance to step just one centimetre over the boundary of restraint and take her life. It begged, pleaded for me to surrender and kill her, to push it too far and drain her of her blood. I recoiled from the thought – I would never allow myself to give in to my natural vampire instincts, even if it drove me insane. So, reluctantly, I broke the kiss.

I breathed in fresh air once again, grateful that my head was clearing. I looked at Bella who had a most curious expression on her face; one of both astonishment and wild excitement.

"Oh…" She collapsed against my chest. I caught her and held her against my body, surprised at her reaction.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I asked in a low, anxious voice.

Her breathing and heartbeat gradually returned to normal, and after a few minutes of lying limply against my chest, I held her by the shoulders and drew her away to read her expression.

"I…I'm…I'm fine," she said weakly, still slightly dazed. Her expression belied her confidence.

"Are you sure? Because you look rather ill right now," I said. Then I grinned. "Was it not good? I apologise – my kissing skills are not perfected, you see."

She blushed, and the blood rushed to her cheeks, tinting them with red.

"No, no…it was very" – she swallowed hard – "good," she replied, breathless.

I grinned even wider.

I let go of her shoulders and instead pressed one hand lightly to her cheek. It was warm, and she seemed to tingle when our skin came in contact. I leant forward again, not to kiss her, but just to rest my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly, her scent sending another wave of electricity and delight coursing through my body.

And so we remained like this for an immeasurable amount of time, before Bella's quiet voice interrupted the silence.

"Love me?"

Her soft inquiry sent tremors down my spine. I didn't have to think about my answer – I had been sure of myself for a while now.

"Forever."

My whispered response sent the same tremors down my spine as before. Every syllable rang true, and, unlike other relationships where these declarations were merely empty promises – _I _was actually able to love her for eternity. And I would.

After sitting in silence for a while, Bella resumed her inquiries into my life and history. I answered everything she asked me, however inane the question. Eventually, the conversation turned to my vampire abilities – on this subject she was most eager to know about.

"Before," she began, "when you were telling me about your past. How did you seek out only the worst?" Her eyes had turned thoughtful, filled with genuine curiosity. I recalled the conversation, and was not confused by her vague inquiry.

"I can read minds," I replied. Then I grinned. "It's one of my more…_useful _talents as a vampire."

Bella's expression turned from inquisitive to shocked. Her eyes stared down at the grass, holding some sort of embarrassment that I was unknown to.

"Can you read _my _thoughts?" she inquired finally, her voice small and soft.

"Actually, I can't," I replied thoughtfully, remembering all those times I had attempted to read her mind, but failed dismally.

Bella's head snapped up, and she looked greatly relieved.

"Good," she said, rather breathless.

"Not really," I said, slightly annoyed. "You don't know how irritating it is, to not be able to read your mind." I sighed and my eyebrows knitted together in concentration; I was trying, yet again.

"You seem more relieved than necessary, Bella," I stated after finally giving up trying to read her thoughts. "Why is that?"

Bella looked down once again and red tinted her cheeks. "I don't want you to know what's in my head," she mumbled.

I grinned and took one of her hands in mine, playing with her fingers.

"Is that why I'm so interesting to you? Because you can't read my thoughts?" she asked suddenly, understanding in her tone.

"Pretty much, yes," I replied. "The mystery you presented to me only grew more intriguing when I discovered your mind was blank to me."

"Oh."

I looked up at her and smiled warmly, my golden eyes holding her gaze. She blushed again, and her splendid, sweet-smelling blood rushed up to her cheeks to grace them.

I looked down and smiled at our hands, rasing hers up to my face. I smiled even wider and brought her hand to my lips, gently kissing each fingertip. I felt her blood course, hot, through her veins and I sighed as her scent wafted more strongly through the breeze and hit me square in the nostrils.

I groaned. "You're unbelievably alluring, you know. It's _very _unfair."

"Me?" She was clearly disbelieving. "What about _you_?"

"What about me?"

"Oh, please," she said sardonically, as if unable to understand why I was oblivious to this hidden trait I had. "You're dazzling."

I laughed.

"Literally," she added, waving a hand at my sparkling skin and smiling.

I laughed again, and extended my hand to stroke her cheek.

It happened very quickly. My thirst, as if it was biding it's time in the back of my mind, burst forward in a wave of sudden sensation. I abruptly had a very strong desire to kill Bella, and I wondered why it had sprung up on me now.

My hand froze in place, still on her cheek. I turned to stone, willing myself to resume self-control and to not attack her. I drew my hand away slowly, carefully, so as not to accidentally break her jaw. I sat on my hands, a habit I had developed.

"Edward?" Bella's voice floated towards me. It was concerned, and it sounded very distant to me. I groaned. Why was she so observant?

"Edward, are you alright?" she asked more anxious now that I was not responding. I closed my eyes and sighed. I had almost taken her life, then and there, and now I had to tell her.

"Bella," I began wearily and with great sadness. "Bella…I'm afraid that this – our relationship – is putting your life in danger. Every moment that we're together only endangers you further, and I could never do that to you." My voice was strained with agony. "And now that you're affiliated with me like this – so elaborately and severely – only risks your life further.

"Whenever you're with me, I have to exercise complete control in order not to kill you. If my hand moved the wrong way by just an inch…I…" I broke off, unable to go on and say aloud the consequences of me putting my guard down. "I love you, Bella, and I would never, ever forgive myself if I hurt you." I looked into her eyes, tried to communicate the internal anguish I felt inside me with my eyes.

"I'm prepared to take the risk." Bella's voice was sincere, low, and her eyes were filled with anxiety and despair. She seemed near tears when she spoke next. "I love you, Edward, and I don't want you to leave me; I wouldn't be able to take it. I don't care; I _need _you." Her eyes were filled with great sadness, and, to my surprise, terror. There was also another fear, one which I was unknown to, one which seemed to scare her more than everything I had said. Panic and horror marked her face, creasing her forehead, knitting her eyebrows together in an expression of pure trepidation.

"Don't worry, Bella, I won't leave you," I murmured softly. "I keep telling myself that if I absolutely _had _to, if our relationship was putting you in jeopardy too much, I would be able to leave. But now I don't know if I could." I smiled gently, and risked extending a hand to stroke her hair. "I'm selfish Bella – so very selfish. And, loathsome creature that I am, I need you too much to leave you. I know that our correlation is highly absurd" – I grinned – "and that it is frowned upon by most other vampires; that it is, essentially, not right – but I think it's a little too late to turn back now, isn't it?"

The fear still remained in her eyes, radiating from behind her deep, brown irises. I pondered on what could possibly have her so terrified that she was on the verge of tears. She lowered her head and nodded once, a single tear escaping and slowly making its way down to her chin, leaving tracks in its place.

I reached out and took her in my cold embrace, holding her against my chest. I kissed the top of her head.

"I'll take you home now, Bella," I said softly into her hair. She nodded again.

I stood, grateful to stretch my legs after sitting for so long. I could see the sun setting in the distance, fading slowly from blue to pink to red to orange. My skin was not sparkling extremely now, only a faint glow radiating from it, tinged with the many colours of the setting sun.

I slung Bella onto my back in one swift movement, her hands gripping my neck so tightly that if I were not a vampire, she would surely have hurt me.

I took off, taking the same detour to circumvent the town that I had previously. We reached Bella's little cottage within minutes; there were lights on, and I wondered if her parents would be worried about her.

She eased herself off my back and I turned to face her. I stroked her cheek softly with my fingertips.

"No more tears," I said softly.

"No more tears," Bella repeated, reassuring me with her eyes that she was okay. I decided that I would ask about her odd behaviour tomorrow, when she was feeling less tired and was devoid of all sadness.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love," I said fondly, and kissed her forehead. She gave a wane smile and murmured a reluctant farewell, before turning and disappearing into her house.

I ran home, curiously elated despite recent events. I recalled my first kiss with Bella and smiled, the scent of her blood, the taste of the wonderful nectar she contained hitting me en masse. I recognised my thirst rising inside me, pleading to be quenched. I tried to clear my head of thoughts of Bella, and ran even faster in the direction of the forest.

I sped along the dirt trail, barely containing my joy. Despite my raging thirst, I was nevertheless extremely ecstatic.

_My, what power you have over me, Bella…_

I smiled as I realised how true that was. She had the power to make me feel anything, whether it be sadness, anger, love, or, in this case, pure happiness. I went deeper into the forest, searching for animals absent-mindedly, my thoughts mainly focused on Bella.

_Bella…_

I said her name fondly, over and over in my head, surprised at how delighted I felt whenever I merely thought of her name.

I crouched low, finally catching the scent of a deer in the distance. I moved forward with blinding speed, grinning impishly as I went in the direction of the animal. The trees and rocks rushed past in a blur, my feet making no noise on the soft forest floor. Again, merely because I just couldn't help it, I said her name again affectionately in my mind.

_Bella._


	8. Why?

I was still smiling when I returned home from the hunt. The day's events had drugged me into a perpetual feeling of euphoria, something that I was certain Carlisle and Esme would notice once I entered the house.

A drop of blood hung off my chin, threatening to fall and stain the ground scarlet; I caught it and put it to my tongue with relish. I wondered if there was ever a possibility that there would be any other animal apart from deer in these woods, and decided that any other creature to venture here would be seldom seen. I chuckled and reached the double oak doors of my house.

My smile faded when I saw the expressions on the faces of my parents.

Both their golden eyes were grave, and when Carlisle saw me he approached me with a look of regret and sympathy. I looked at them quizzically, fearful of the cause of their desolation.

"Carlisle, Esme – what's the matter?" I asked curiously, my voice tinged with anxiety.

Carlisle and Esme exchanged glances.

"Edward, I think you should sit down for this," Carlisle said sombrely, gesturing to an armchair.

I was even more confused. "For what? Carlisle, what's going on?" I was definitely anxious now.

Carlisle and Esme said nothing as they followed behind me into the sitting room. I wanted to know why they were so distressed, so anxious, know what on Earth could have happened that would have made them so worried.

"Will you please tell me what's going on?" I asked impatiently, my anxiety growing with every passing minute.

Carlisle and Esme sat opposite me, the same worried looks on their faces.

"Edward…its Bella," Carlisle said grimly.

I was instantly concerned. I knew it had to be bad, for if it wasn't, Carlisle and Esme would surely not be this troubled.

"What about Bella?" I asked anxiously.

"She- "Carlisle broke off.

"She what?" I asked, fearing the response.

Carlisle seemed to be struggling internally, as if wondering whether to tell me the answer or not, for fear of my reaction. But then he sighed and looked at me with poignant eyes.

"She jumped off a cliff." His voice was low and sad, and both he and Esme fixed me with worried stares.

It took my mind a while to process what Carlisle had just said. I sat in stunned silence after he had spoken and tried to assemble my thoughts. Shock and fear had numbed me – I sat rigid in my seat, fists clenched, eyes wide, in utter disbelief.

And then the dread began to creep up on me. I pondered on all the consequences of Bella jumping off a cliff, and gave a small shudder when I thought of each one. I almost had a fit when I thought of one in particular. _That _idea was the one that I had feared the most. I was afraid to ask – but I had to.

"Is…is she -?" I could not bring myself to even say the word. My voice came out in a strangled whisper.

I closed my eyes and hoped, hoped against all hope, that Carlisle would not say what I feared he would. To hear him respond in the affirmative would be torture - utter and complete torture. I shuddered at the thought of what would happen if she was…

No. Bella was _not _dead. She couldn't be. If she was, there would be no need to exist anymore. The world would dissolve, cease to be – and I with it. I would fling myself into the darkest abyss if Carlisle said the tiny, three letter word that I dreaded so.

"No."

I sighed in immense relief. It seemed as though a great weight had been lifted off of me, freeing me from its clutches and allowing me to think clearly once more. Bella was not dead. I could breathe.

I rose from my chair.

"Where is she?" I asked, my voice returning to normal now that I was not so anxious.

Carlisle rose also.

"Her injuries were surprisingly minor­ - a broken hand and some bruising - so I sent her home to get some rest," Carlisle replied. "It was a miracle that she survived at all – a fall like that would surely have killed her…"

Carlisle trailed off, but I was not listening anymore. I had already put on my coat and I had one hand on the door when Carlisle called after me.

"Edward? Where are you going?" he asked, walking towards me with Esme close behind. I turned to face him.

"To see Bella," I replied, my voice slightly authoritative.

"Now?" Carlisle said, his voice rising. "Do you have any idea what time it is, Edward?"

"I don't care, Carlisle, I must see her," I replied. I turned back around to go outside, but Carlisle was already in front of me, blocking my path.

"Edward, she has just jumped off a _cliff_," he said, his voice low. "Let her rest, and you can see her in the morning."

But I did not want to wait that long. I could barely resist going to see her at normal hours of the day – how would I fare now, knowing that she was lying in bed, injured and in need of comfort?

"Please, Edward." Carlisle was almost pleading. "Don't go. I shudder to think what would happen if the fresh blood pushed you over the edge and you attacked her. I know you don't want that." His golden eyes bore into mine. "Please. Wait."

I did not heed his warning. I sidestepped him and exited the house, every minute that I waited wasting valuable time with Bella.

"I have to see her, Carlisle. I _must_," I said over my shoulder. Carlisle did not say anything, but from behind him Esme nodded minutely.

I ran - the wind blowing my hair about my face and obscuring my vision - towards Bella's house. There were no humans out at this time of night, so I was free to run as I pleased. Eagerly I rushed through the town, abandoned newspapers and other garbage fluttering erratically in my wake.

While running, I thought about all the reasons why Bella would have jumped off the cliff. No plausible explanation came to mind, and I was now more determined than ever to know why she had acted so rashly.

_Why…_

The same word was repeated over and over in my mind – so much so that it did not seem like a real word anymore. Why would she have jumped off? What possible motive would she have had that would justify her suicide attempt? I mulled over countless questions as I ran, each one only making me more eager to get to Bella's house faster.

But then another thought occurred to me. I recalled the day's events, each one playing through my head like a movie strip. I remembered our conversation concerning my possible departure, and the state Bella was in. She was terrified, crying… I cursed myself internally and tried harder to piece together the circumstances.

And then I realised.

Bella was certain that I was going to leave her. Despite my vehement reassurance that I would surely not leave her, she was still terrified. Could it be that she had attempted suicide because she thought I was leaving her?

No. It couldn't be. Common sense told me that the very idea of Bella attempting to kill herself over me was absurd, preposterous. But, even so, somewhere in the very back of my mind was the little voice that told me it was not such a ridiculous motive for suicide.

I ran even faster still, now more determined than ever to get to Bella's house. I was still in shock and disbelief that Bella had tried to kill herself, and even more incredulous to the fact that it was because she thought I was leaving her.

I finally reached her tiny cottage. I decided not to climb up the side of the house this time, but use the proper entrance. I walked at a human pace now towards the front door, tried my best to regain a normal facial expression, and knocked politely on the door. It flew open instantly, and I was met with the stares of who were clearly Bella's parents.

Upon seeing me, her mother's eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. Her eyes were filled with wonder, and her heart began to quicken in a fashion very similar to Bella's. I fought back a smirk, instead smiling politely at Charlie, Bella's father.

"Good evening, Mr and Mrs Swan," I said, smiling to them both. Renee inhaled sharply and Charlie appraised me with a wary eye.

"You're Edward Cullen?" Charlie asked, still wary. Clearly Bella had told them about me – I wondered how the conversation might have been.

"Yes, I am," I replied, trying to hide my impatience. Every second that I wasted talking to these people only meant more time away from Bella.

"Bella's told us about you," Charlie said, not attempting to hide his disapproval of me. Right now, I couldn't care less what he thought of me – all I wanted was to see Bella.

"Yes," I said simply. "Sir, I know that it is late and for that I apologise, but it's imperative that I see Bella." I was firm and authoritative, but Charlie didn't look like he was backing down any time soon.

"So you've heard, then?" His tone was slightly bitter, as if implying that I was unfit to be informed of anything concerning his daughter.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen is my father. He just told me about the…incident and I came straight here."

Charlie's face softened slightly, and after a minute of internal battle, gestured for me to come inside. I stepped over the threshold and into a small, warm sitting room. Intricately patterned rugs adorned the wooden floors, and a set of comfortable looking armchairs sat in one corner. A soft light came from several lamps that were positioned in the room, shadows being cast over the floor whenever the glow was thrown onto the furniture. A corridor led off to where I assumed was the kitchen, and opposite that was a narrow staircase, leading up to the bedrooms above – Bella's bedroom.

"So, what exactly have you heard?" It was Renee. I turned to face her and distinctly heard her heart thump erratically.

My expression turned serious. "Not much. All Carlisle told me was that she had jumped off a cliff and that her injuries were minor," I replied, cringing when the mental image of Bella trying to kill herself entered my mind.

"Thank Goodness she survived… I don't know what I would have done if she'd died," Renee said, her voice cracking on the last word. Her husband moved to put a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Me neither," I whispered, my voice so low that it was inaudible to their ears.

"Do you know why she did it?" I asked seriously, though doubting they had any information on the motives behind why Bella had tried to kill herself.

They both shook their heads, and Renee's eyes swelled with tears.

"We have no idea why she jumped off the cliff," Charlie said, his voice strained. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it abruptly. I read his thoughts; they were contemplating whether or not to tell me the next piece of information.

"She…she's been acting strange for a while now," Charlie said hesitantly. "Whenever we try to ask her what's going on, she tells us nothing."

Renee gave a small sob and Charlie's hand moved to rub her arm soothingly. I gave them a sympathetic look, and Charlie smiled weakly back. I took a step towards the staircase.

"Is Bella's room up there?" I asked innocently, all the while fully aware that upstairs was Bella's bedroom. They both nodded.

"May I go up there? I really must see her," I said, the same authoritative tone in my voice again. I had one foot on the first step.

Charlie's eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth as if to voice his disapproval. I listened intently to his thoughts; he was deciding whether or not to let me go up to his daughter. I held my breath as he thought, preparing to insist if need be. But then his eyes softened, finally deciding that it would be futile to try and stop me from seeing Bella. He acquiesced, and I exhaled.

I rushed up the stairs and found Bella's room. Slowly, I crept forward noiselessly and opened the door. I feared her being disturbed by my entrance and waking, but when I opened the door she was already sitting up in bed.

She had a bandage wrapped around her hand, and I saw the faint stain of blood tainting its white fabric. There was a bruise on the side of her head and one on her neck. I presumed there were more on her body, but as she was half covered with bed sheets I could not see them. Aside from a few cuts and scratches, she seemed alright.

"Edward!" Bella cried, the moment she saw me enter the room. She tried to get out of bed, but I was by her side in half a second, pushing her back down gently onto the bed.

"Easy, my love," I said softly, resting her head on the pillow and smiling. She smiled back, her angelic face never ceasing to amaze me. It was astounding how, at a time like this, Bella was still outrageously beautiful – albeit covered with injuries and bandages.

We did not say anything for a while. I just sat on the edge of her bed and looked into her eyes, trying to find the answer to her actions in them. They provided no explanation, and though I was still settled on my theory, I decided to ask her why she attempted suicide.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I held the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger for a brief second, before uttering one word.

"Why?"

I opened my eyes to read her expression. She was biting her lip, and her brown eyes held the same fear and sadness that I'd seen before in the field. My hand moved to caress her face, and when our skin came into contact she closed her eyes – I wondered if she was trying to hide tears.

"Bella," I said gently, my fingers tracing her eyebrow. "Please, tell me what happened. Tell me _why_." My voice was still soft, though it held an irritated edge – at this I was surprised at.

Bella did not say anything. Her eyes opened and they were swimming with tears, not enough to overflow and cascade down her cheeks, but enough to give her irises a pearly effect. She blinked them away and turned so that she was facing the window. _Trying to avoid the questions, _I thought.

"Bella, you jumped off a cliff," I said, my voice cracking slightly. I tried to make her face me but she avoided my eyes again.

"_Jumped off a cliff," _I repeated, certain that if it were possible for me to cry, that phrase would have made me weep. My voice was a whisper, strained with the sadness I felt and the tears that I wished I could cry.

"I know, Edward! I–" Bella cried, breaking off, for the tears were spilling over now. I drew her into my embrace, holding her close to my chest and letting her sob into my shirt. Her arms wrapped around my neck, her hands knotted in my hair. I tightened the embrace and stroked her hair soothingly.

After the tears had subsided, she drew away and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked down, fidgeting with the bedspread every so often. She sniffed and looked up at me through her eyelashes, raising her head halfway.

"Are you angry with me?" she inquired innocently, her voice small and soft.

I sighed and kissed her forehead gently. "I haven't decided yet."

I gave her a small smile, and, instead of the smile I expected in response, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in my shoulder. I held her tightly.

"I love you," she mumbled into my skin.

I kissed the top of her head. "And I you."

Her head twitched, and I drew her away to find the cause. It seemed as though our embrace had put pressure on her bruising – I felt horrible for causing her pain of any kind.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely.

"It's okay. It doesn't hurt that bad," she replied, but all the same feeling her injuries and wincing whenever she touched a tender spot. I flinched every time she did.

"No, you're in pain, Bella." I reached out to examine her injuries, but she shrank back. I looked at her, taken aback slightly. I was more ashamed of myself than ever.

"No…the blood–" Bella whispered, holding her hand close to her chest.

I now realised what she meant. I knew I was still a young vampire, but the small scratches and cuts on her hands would not tempt me, surely.

_She's afraid I'll lose control, _I thought, the shame growing ever stronger and clawing at my insides.

I did not question her reaction, but accepted it – I risked extending a hand to gently stroke her cheek with one finger.

Bella looked down again and we lapsed into silence, I still caressing her cheek, she fiddling with her bed sheets. I sat there for what felt like hours, pondering on how best to bring up the subject of her attempted suicide again. After considering and then discarding several scenarios in my mind, I came to the conclusion that there was no best way to bring it up – I would just have to grit my teeth and do it.

"Bella," I began, taking one of her hands carefully in mine. I brought it up to my face and kissed the bandage gently, deeply apologetic when Bella winced from the pain. "You know I love you, Bella – most ardently – and you know I will never leave you. Do you understand that?"

Bella nodded, her expression confused.

"I know that, Edward. I know you won't leave me," she whispered in response. Her eyes still held confusion.

"Are you sure? Because if you aren't then allow me to tell you again," I said, confusion entering my mind now. "I won't, Bella. Not ever. There was no need for those…_drastic _measures." Then I smiled. "If you were attempting suicide because you thought I was leaving you, Bella, then your priorities are in sore need of an adjustment. I'm not _that _special." I grinned at her crookedly.

The confusion in Bella's eyes was more prominent than ever now. She sat up, her hand still in mine. She shook her head.

"That wasn't why I jumped off the cliff, Edward," she said in a whisper. I could sense how traumatic it was for her to just talk about it, and I rubbed soothing circles into the back of her hand with my thumb. We winced in unison once more as I unintentionally hit a tender spot.

"Then why did you do it?" I asked, very bewildered now. Clearly, I was wrong about Bella's motives behind trying to kill herself. If she had not done it because she thought I was leaving her, then why would she do it? I feared that the answer might be worse than my original assumption – and that made me shudder.

Terror and despair marked her face once more. Her eyes held that same pearly effect – I expected the tears to come rushing out now, belying her calm façade and sending her into frenzied sobs. But nothing happened. Though I could not read her thoughts, it seemed very likely that she was deciding whether or not to tell me the answer to my question. Regardless of whether or not she told me, there was no questioning the fact that she was terrified. I shuddered to think of what it would be that made her so petrified, and I now began to fear for both her physical and mental health. If it was not I that had driven her to attempt suicide, then I feared that whatever _had _would cause her to do it again. And that thought scared me more than anything else.

Bella did not answer me. She looked into my eyes and opened her mouth as if to say something, but then her bottom lip was trembling, and her eyes swelled with tears. She gave a sob and collapsed into my arms, her hands wrapping around my neck. I did my best to console her, rubbing her back and whispering soothing words into her ear; but nothing helped.

She shook as a fresh wave of tears caused the sobs to come more profusely now. Taking no notice of my shirt that was now drenched with her tears, I pressed her more tightly to my body and held her while she cried.


	9. Revelations

After a while, Charlie insisted that I leave Bella to get some rest, and that I return home. I did not wish to leave her, broken and bruised, all alone. But Charlie persisted, and so, with one last look at Bella, I departed.

I was planning to hunt, though, in truth, it was the last thing I felt like doing. I really wanted to return to Bella and ask her – yet again – why on Earth she tried to kill herself. But, the recent encounter with Bella had made me exceptionally thirsty, so I had to hunt. Seeing Bella laying there, her blood slowly soaking through the white bandage, centimetres from my lips…

No. I would not think of such things. I forced the thought out of my mind and continued onto the forest, cursing myself internally.

The leaves crunched noisily under my feet, and a slight breeze ruffled my hair as I walked. There was a full moon out tonight; something I hadn't seen in a while. It shone down softly, illuminating everything it touched with a glowing sheath of sliver. The wind blew stronger now, causing my hair to fall into my eyes – but I did not brush it away. I was too lost in thought.

I'd had many, many inquiries that I wanted to ask Bella the whole time I was with her. I'd mulled them over in my mind, tried to figure out the best way to voice them without inducing more crying on Bella's behalf. But, as no solution came to me, they slipped away into the back of my mind, forgotten, as I tried to console Bella once again. I resurrected them now.

_Why would she do it?_

I asked myself that same question countless times. Why, _why _on Earth would she try to kill herself? How could she, the sweet, angelic Bella, even begin to attempt suicide? To even _think _of it was the most profane, horrible kind of crime. I shuddered as I pondered on what could possibly have driven her to act so rashly.

I was still thinking when I reached the forest. Another gust of wind caused the trees to sway, the moonlight dancing across the leaves that moved slowly, to and fro, in the breeze. There was something about tonight that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was as if the air itself was stirring, an omen of the odd, mysterious occurrences to come. Not that odd and mysterious things weren't happening already – it's just that something about this night was different. I shrugged and continued into the forest.

I crouched low on the ground, searching for animals. My mind was still with Bella, still reeling at the fact that she had tried to kill herself, so I knew that tonight's hunt would not be executed to the best of my ability. Nonetheless, I moved forward silently, my excellent eyes probing the forest all the while.

I smelled a deer – this forest seemed to have an endless supply – in the distance, and lurched forward, running with inhuman agility towards the animal. I spotted it within seconds; it was walking slowly, stopping occasionally to bend its head towards the ground, searching for food. I snarled and stalked it stealthily, my feet making no noise on the soft forest floor. Suddenly it stopped and looked up. My lip curled back over my teeth as the animal finally noticed me and started running.

I followed it with blinding speed. A guttural growl escaped my lips as I pounced on the deer. I drank from it greedily, realising now just how thirsty I was. It seemed that my recent encounter with Bella had made me extremely thirsty, though I hadn't noticed until now – I was too engrossed by my current predicament. It overwhelmed me now, soliciting the scarlet liquid that I drank so eagerly.

I drained the animal and looked up, my teeth clenched, searching for another deer – when it hit me.  
A scent, so unbelievably sweet, so tantalising, wafted through the breeze and struck me like a battering ram. It was wonderful, delectable; there was also another scent, one saccharine and floral, mixed in with the other. It seemed familiar to me, though I did not know how. It was the scent of human blood.

Instantly I was alert. Fresh blood had been spilt, and now my senses were going into overdrive. I dropped the deer carcass, my thirst now focused on one thing: finding the human and feasting from it. I struggled with myself, determined not to give in and feed off the human. I had resisted everything up until now. I had even managed to resist – miraculously – the blood of Bella, the goddess. I would not let one human ruin me, convert me back to my old, despicable ways.

And yet, I found myself running. My legs were moving of their own accord, guiding me towards the source of the bloodshed. I tried to resist, tried to turn back, but only stumbled and fell down onto the hard ground. And, in seconds, I was up again, running with inhuman speed towards the blood. I found myself in town, blazing through the main street, past the cathedral and on towards the marketplace. The scenery became increasingly more familiar as I ran unwillingly towards an alleyway.

I realised that this was the same alleyway that I had spent many of my days watching Bella from. I forced myself to slow my pace and walk normally. The scent was pungent now, to the point that I was almost asphyxiated. I walked forward, licking my lips, and peered into the alleyway.

Shock and horror unlike anything I'd felt before gripped me. My mouth opened and my eyes widened into a look of pure disbelief. I took a step backwards and a horrified gasp escaped my lips.

"No…"

Bella, crouched low and with her back to me, was ripping something to shreds. It was only when I looked closer at the figure beneath her did I realise that it was a small boy. Her hands were flailing wildly, wounding the poor child with unnatural vigour. I distinctly heard a bone snap, and my horror only increased. His clothes were ripped, shreds of his garments scattered around him on the ground. Blood stained the fabric, and elsewhere it leaked out from the several wounds that Bella had inflicted upon him.

My thirst growled inside me again, but I pushed it down, this time more forcefully. Now was not the time to be thinking about taking this poor child's blood, no matter how much my thirst begged for it. I had other matters to deal with.

Bella continued to maim the small boy. The moon shone down and cast her and the child into a small pool of light, illuminating her pale skin so that it seemed almost transparent. I was at a loss as to what I should do next. I considered running up to Bella and detaching her from the boy that she was killing, using force if necessary – but I dismissed that idea almost immediately. Something was clearly not right about this whole situation. Bella did not kill people. She was not a murderer. I looked closer, as if trying to see if it was really her, that my eyes were not deceiving me – but it was most definitely her. After all, it was partly her scent that pulled me here and led me to discover this…atrocity.

Bella was still completely oblivious to my presence. She had not stopped maiming the boy once since I had found her. I decided, finally, that I would take her to Carlisle and seek his aid in this matter. He would know what to do.

I took a step forward, my feet making no noise on the ground.

Suddenly, in that very moment, Bella stopped. As soon as my foot had connected with the ground, her head snapped up, and she let go of the child. She looked at her hands – which were shaking – and gasped when she saw that they were covered in blood. She looked down at the boy, and realised that she was in fact the one that had killed him. Her heart was hammering against her ribs, and she started hyperventilating. Her breath came in short little gasps, her chest heaving quickly as she continued to stare down at the child and what she had done.

I was exceedingly puzzled. Bella had stopped hurting the child the moment I had stepped forward, and this was most confusing. I shook my head and decided to deal with that matter later – right now I needed to take her to Carlisle.

I took another step forward towards Bella's shaking form. She seemed entirely unaware as to what she was doing – the current state she was in was evidence of that. I heard her sob, and presumed that she was crying. She said the word "no" over and over again, all the while crying and gasping for air as the hyperventilation became even more severe.

I got down on my knees beside her, and put one hand on her shoulder.

"Bella." I said her name shakily, much to my surprise. I, myself, was finding it hard to breathe, though it was nothing compared to how Bella was faring. She looked up at me, her face wet with tears.

"Edward…" She gasped, and a fresh wave of tears caused her to sob copiously. I took her face in my hands and held it up so I could look into her eyes. Bella shook her head and gasped again.

"No…"

She continued to cry. It made me ache to see her in such a state, but I forced myself to remain somewhat composed as I tried to console Bella.

"Its okay, Bella. I'm right here," I said, stroking her hair. "You're alright, Bella. I'll take you to Carlisle."

Her sobs were my reply. I picked her up and held her in my arms, her tears wetting her hair and leaving tracks down her face. I ensured that she was secure in my arms, and I took off running.

Bella sobbed for the entire journey home. The shock of her killing someone, let alone a small boy, was severe for both of us – Bella more than I. For her to even think about harming another human being was very, very unlike her. Sweet, angelic, righteous Bella – how could she take a life?

An abundance of questions built up in my mind, adding to the previous thousand that had been created in the wake of Bella's suicide attempt. I decided that they would all be answered in due course – but, regardless, I quickened my pace and ran even faster towards home.

We reached my house within minutes. Bella would not release herself, so I, gently, but with irresistible force, set her on the ground and led her into the house. She was still sobbing.

I led her into the sitting room, easing her into an armchair and kneeling down in front of her. I held her shoulders and tried to look into her eyes, but she avoided me and continued crying. I winced.

"Carlisle!" I called, just loud enough for him to hear. He came from the kitchen almost instantly, Esme in tow. Upon seeing Bella and the state she was in, his eyes widened and he looked concerned. Esme looked inquisitive.

"What's wrong? What happened to Bella?" He asked, his butterscotch eyes narrowed with worry.

I was about to answer, when Bella's soft whisper reached my ears.

"I killed him…" she whispered, her voice cracking on the word. She had stopped crying, and now she was rocking back and forth in the chair. She sniffed and looked down at me, terror in her eyes. "I killed him, Edward…I killed him and I don't understand why…" She stopped short.

"_Killed him,"_ she repeated, her whispered phrase causing her to sob once more and resume crying.

I stroked her cheek.

"I know, Bella, I know," I whispered back, trying to console her. My efforts were in vain. Bella sobbed even harder, and she seized her head, fingers knotted in her hair. She clenched her hands into fists, taking no notice of the blood staining her hands.

"No…the voices…" She wailed even harder and squeezed her eyes shut.

"What was that?" I asked, unsure if what I had just heard was true.

"The voices…_in my head _…make it stop, Edward! Please, make it stop…" Her anguished whisper sent chills down my spine. I drew her into my embrace, holding her against my chest.

"It's okay, Bella, I'll make it stop," I said, stroking her hair. She sobbed into my chest. "I'll make it stop, I promise." I repeated this phrase over and over, all the while oblivious as to what I was promising her.

I looked up at Carlisle. He looked deeply troubled, as did Esme. Carlisle walked towards Bella and me, Esme behind him.

"Edward, what's going on? What's the matter with Bella?" Carlisle asked, the concern in his voice growing as Bella cried harder into my chest.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. I was just as confused as Carlisle and Esme were. It seemed that Bella was the only one that would be able to explain everything – but I didn't see getting any answers out of her any time soon.

But, regardless of the state she was in, the only way for us to help her would be to get the truth out of her now. I drew her away from my body and set her upright on the armchair. Tears fell silently down her cheeks. She was not sobbing anymore, although her whole body was quivering. I grasped her shoulders and tilted her face to look at me.

"Bella," I said gently, looking into her eyes. "I want you to tell me what's going on, Bella. Tell me about everything – the suicide attempt, these…_voices _you speak of; everything. Can you do that for me?" I spoke softly, but Bella's reaction made it seem like I had just told her to go kill herself. Her eyes widened in terror and she opened her mouth as if to speak. I raised my eyebrows slightly, telling her with my eyes to continue. She seemed to be struggling internally, perhaps wondering whether or not to tell me what she was about to. Finally, she drew a deep breath and spoke.

"He…he told me not to tell anyone," Bella whispered, her voice full of terror. "He said he'd kill me if I did…"

I was instantly worried. How dare someone threaten to take Bella's life, like she was nothing but a pile of dirt? Anger rose inside me and mixed with the worry. I wondered what thing Bella was sworn to secrecy to, and after ensuring that she would not break down into sobs, I voiced my thoughts.

"Who did, Bella?"

She lifted her head and avoided my eyes. She seemed to be looking at something far away, and her eyes had glazed over. She seemed to be in actual physical pain when she said the next word.

"Wyndam."

"Wyndam? Who's Wyndam?" I asked, the confusion evident in my voice.

"He's the one who made me do all those terrible things," she replied, still avoiding my eyes.

My anger increased. This vile, filthy, wicked little man had used my Bella like a puppet. I suddenly had a fierce urge to kick something. I closed my eyes and tried to control my temper, when another thing occurred to me.

Bella had said "those terrible things". Not "_this terrible thing_", but the plural form. I searched my mind, tried to figure out why that was so significant to me. After a few minutes of reminiscing, I finally had the answer.

"The killings in the newspaper…" My voice held realisation. I opened my eyes and looked at Bella to see if that phrase meant anything to her. Sure enough, she nodded. Her eyes sparkled with tears.

"Wyndam made me do it, Edward. He made me kill all those poor people…I-I didn't know what I had done until afterwards," she whispered. The tears that had built up in her eyes spilled over now, and she resumed her usual hysteric, sobbing state.

I held her face with one hand and moved it so that she was looking at me.

"Where is he, Bella?" I asked, a bitter edge to my voice. I wanted now more than ever to find the fiend that had driven Bella to murder four – five, including tonight's – innocent people. I wanted to maim him, torture him; kill him and send him back to the fiery pits of Hell where he belonged. I didn't usually wish harm on others – certainly not on the lives of humans – but in this case it felt necessary to make an exception.

The same pained, terrified expression came across Bella face again. She was still sobbing profusely, and I began to fear greatly for her health. Slowly, shakily, she raised one finger and jabbed it into her chest.

I was utterly perplexed. What on Earth could that mean? Bella's vague revelation of where Wyndam was did not answer any of my questions – if anything, it raised even more. I was about to question Bella again, when Carlisle's thoughts interrupted my own.

_Of course…why didn't I ever think it before?_

My confusion only grew stronger as Carlisle rushed over to Bella, joining me on the floor and placing one hand on her shoulder. His face was set in an expression of deep concern – and understanding. I tried to read his thoughts, but they were buzzing so frantically that I could not distinguish them. His eyes glinted with a knowledge that I was unknown to – knowledge that both made perfect sense to him and terrified him considerably.

He looked into Bella's eyes and, with great solemnity, uttered one word.

"Possession?"

Bella nodded.

My mind barely registered the communication that just took place. Carlisle's thoughts were buzzing even more hysterically than before, and it made my dizzy to try and read them. I instead tried to focus on the words that had been spoken. Carlisle's sudden epiphany confused me greatly, and I struggled to make sense of it. Bella was _possessed_? The mere thought of it was preposterous; incredible. I simply would not believe it.

I shook my head in incredulity.

"But that's fantastic!" I cried, mainly speaking to Carlisle. "How can she be possessed? It's ridiculous." I held the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, trying to control myself. "And even if she were," I began, my voice a tone of forced calm, "how would she know it?"

Bella's sobs reached my ears. I looked up to see tears escaping Bella's wide, brown eyes; they were full of pain.

"It's true," she whispered, her voice full of sorrow. Then she started to hyperventilate once more; her breathing came in gasps, and her chest was heaving as she struggled to inhale properly. "It's _in _me, Edward. When he has me in his grasp he…he makes me an entirely different person. I-I don't know who I am when he takes over me. I slip in and out of consciousness; sometimes I know what he's doing to me – other times I barely know what's going on…" She stopped; the rest of her sentence was consumed by uncontrollable sobbing.

I extended a hand to stroke her face, and she immediately ceased her crying, gasping for air and trying to resume speaking.

"But I'm always aware," she said in between sobs. "I always know that he's there, that he's a part of me…" She sobbed even harder. My brow furrowed at seeing Bella in so much pain, and I now stroked her face with both hands, hoping to stem the flow of tears that cascaded down her cheeks and wetted my palms.

"This is unbelievable," I whispered – an enormous understatement. I was still trying to comprehend everything I had just been told – and I was not faring well. The fact that Bella was possessed…it was unfathomable. I'd begun to doubt Bella's – and Carlisle's – knowledge and their many perceptions; but one look at Bella's expression dissolved all of my uncertainty. It was a look of pure terror, one of panic and physical misery; one that made me expect her to have a nervous breakdown and announce that she would attempt to kill herself – again. Someone with an expression like that wouldn't be lying about something as staid as this.

"How could this happen…" I said quietly to myself.

"I believe I can answer that." Carlisle's voice came from beside me. I turned quickly to look at him, but he was already gone. My eyes narrowed and I scanned the room for any sight of him, but in seconds he had returned. In his hands was a very thick, very dusty book, encased in brown leather. It had a curious musty smell to it; I presumed it was very old. He set it down on a small table with a thud. I stood up to get a better view of the book; upon seeing the title I almost snorted. Written on the front cover in black, elegant, medieval script was:

_Exorcism._

My bewilderment increased almost to the point of insanity when I read the title of the book. Carlisle, however, seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and he immediately started flipping through the pages with vigour. After many minutes of zealous searching, he finally settled on a page and began to read, eyes narrowing as he read over certain passages.

Eyes still on the book, he frowned and murmured, "Bella, what did you do?"

I was aghast. Carlisle was _accusing _her? As if she intended this 'Wyndam' to possess her soul? I couldn't believe that Carlisle would ask such a thing.

"What?!" My irate whisper seemed to draw Carlisle out of his trance. He looked up from the book, and, upon seeing my expression his eyes widened.

"No, no, Edward, that's not what I meant. I intended no disrespect, it's just – "He broke off, rubbing his eyebrows wearily – but of course he was not tired. "What I meant was, had you done something before all this happened?" He was now talking to Bella directly. "Did you hurt someone? Covet something?"

Further bewilderment.

Bella nodded slowly. When she spoke next her voice was low and full of shame.

"My family had been poor for almost a year. It…it made me feel horrible to see them like that, so…one day I stole some food while the shopkeeper wasn't looking."

She hung her head, and soon after her body was quivering – she was crying; again.

"I see…" Carlisle said quietly, returning to the book. He flipped another page, and apart from that there was complete silence. I struggled to make sense of everything that I had just learnt recently, and I was not faring well.

"I don't understand," I said, shaking my head.

"Bella is – was – I presume, a perfectly innocent, chaste young woman." I turned to see Carlisle still looking down at the book, his eyes thoughtful. He looked up and met my gaze. "It is said that when a human being commits an act of sin, no matter how minor, a window to their soul is opened, leaving it vulnerable to further treachery." He began to pace, his voice becoming increasingly quicker as he attempted to divulge his theories on why Bella was like this. "I-I'm not quite sure, but I have reason to believe that this…this _Wyndam _seized the opportunity and possessed Bella's soul. As it was opened, there was nothing to protect her from his wrath…" He trailed off, returning to the book. He flipped through more pages, muttering what sounded like "completely vulnerable…" and "…awful, of course…" all the while.

I said nothing, focusing instead on registering this recent piece of information that I had received. Even though there was a part of me that was still trying to convince myself that I was just hearing things, I knew, deep down, that what Bella and Carlisle were saying had to be true. It was absurd, certainly – but it was true.

I returned to Bella, crouching down in front of her and putting a hand on her cheek.

"How long?" I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.

"Almost two weeks," she replied, her voice strained. Then she started to shake her head and tears were falling down her cheeks. I winced again. "He _consumed _me, made me do…terrible things." She twined and untwined her fingers while she spoke, and her breathing came in short gasps. Her voice was now an anguished whisper. "I tried to resist, Edward. I tried so hard – but that only made the pain even worse. I tried to hide it from my parents, but they obviously knew that something was going on…I found myself snapping at them, feeling angry with them for reasons I could not explain – and it made me sick." She inhaled sharply and wiped away her tears.

"My friends knew something was wrong, too. I reassured them that I was fine, but in truth it was horrible. Wyndam tried to make me hurt them; he yelled and screamed at me to kill them – but I restrained myself."

I listened to her confession in silence. My thoughts were buzzing frantically; I closed my eyes and tried to assemble them. It occurred to me then why Bella seemed so troubled all the time. Why she always had a shade of restraint and anguish on her face. I recalled the time I watched her in the town, talking with her companion. Her eyes held evident worry and internal struggle – but it was not for what I had originally assumed. The fight with her father had not been the cause of her torment; she was trying not to kill her friend.

Everything was finally starting to come together. I searched my memory, tried to remember all of the other times Bella had acted suspicious or seemed anxious. I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"What about that day in town? That argument with your father?" I asked, finally recalling an incident.

Bella looked surprised.

"You saw me?" She gave a small smile. In that moment it seemed that all of her worries were forgotten. Her eyes brightened, and for the first time in a while she seemed almost happy.

"Yes."

Bella's smile abruptly faded and her eyes narrowed. She seemed to be recalling some unpleasant memory, and so I instinctively caressed her arms and cheeks in an attempt to console her.

"That was…the day after I'd killed my first two humans…" Bella spoke slowly, eyes narrowed, lost in thought. "I'd taken a shortcut through the woods, so I came home late that night; my parents were worried. I, yet again, yelled at them and told them that nothing was wrong, that they stop prying." Her voice was thick with regret. "It was unfortunate that my father would ask me about it the next day."

I nodded, both grateful and impressed that Bella had not burst into tears upon recalling the unpleasant memory. I kept nodding absently, finally beginning to understand what I was being told. The enigma that was Bella was slowly starting to unravel, as if a light was being thrown onto it and enlightenment ensuing; several pieces of the puzzle were, however, still shrouded in darkness. I recalled the very first night I'd seen Bella, and realised that this must be the journey to which she was referring. I snapped out of my trance and looked up at Bella.

"I still don't understand. If this…_Wyndam" _– I said his name with evident distaste – "makes you so horrible, so malevolent, how come you're fine when you're with me?" I asked, genuinely confused.

Much to my surprise, Bella looked up at me and smiled warmly. Her eyes lit up as she looked at me, obviously reminiscing. Looking at her now, it was hard to recognise that she had ever been sad.

"I feel better when you're near me," she said softly, happiness evident in her tone. She frowned slightly – though still smiling – as she mused. "Something about you…I don't know…_lessens _his hold on me."

I searched my own memory, trying to find some circumstance that showed this. I, too, frowned, reminiscing.

"In town, when you looked at me – "I said suddenly, looking up at Bella.

"– was when I realised why I was feeling better. It was because _you _were near. Something – though I did not know what – eased the pain whenever I was in town. It was only when I saw you that I knew what it was that was doing it. I didn't know exactly _why _you made me feel better, but I was grateful all the same." Bella finished the sentence. She was still smiling.

It was infectious. I was grinning like a fool when I asked, "And in the moors?"

Bella smiled even wider.

"When you told me you were a vampire I finally realised why you made me feel better whenever you were near. Something to do with you being a vampire just made me feel healthier, less…_anguished_… Your strength was my strength." She looked straight at me. "I guess you noticed something odd about me?" She raised an eyebrow and grinned.

I chuckled softly.

"Yes."

Bella merely smiled in response. It was amazing, how such a simple gesticulation radiated so much joy, so much splendour, unlike anything I had witnessed before. Her eyes especially glowed with the delight and contentment that her smile brought on, all traces of misery and pain eliminated temporarily. If one was to look at her for the first time, they would never have guessed that she had ever been sad. Her smile illuminated the shadows that hid behind her eyes and brought forth the light, and the ecstasy that she exuded. She was truly – in many ways – an angel.

My smile suddenly faded. Gazing into Bella's glorious face had brought on a plethora of musings, one of which struck me like a battering ram. I looked up at Bella and frowned, not at her, but at the sudden thought that had entered my mind.

"Was it Wyndam that made you jump off the cliff?" I didn't realise that words were escaping my mouth, that my voice had taken a bitter edge to it, that I was almost shouting. I was not thinking about controlling my temper at that moment; my anger at the vermin that had possessed Bella – _my_ Bella – would not allow me to control my emotions. "Is that why you did it? Because he made you?" I asked again, my voice rising.

I grasped Bella by the arms, and looked earnestly into her eyes. An expression of sheer pain and despair crossed her face, and, in seconds, tears were welling up in her eyes. She was not sobbing as I expected her to be; the tears fell down her cheeks without a sound escaping her lips. She closed her eyes briefly for a second, and the tears fell faster down her face. She seemed to be trying to hold the misery inside her, though for what reason I did not know.

She took a deep, ragged breath and, very slowly, shook her head.

"No…"

Bella's whisper sent chills down my spine. My anger had subsided the moment she'd uttered the word, and I was now left in a state of profound confusion. I frowned and appraised Bella's face that was now wet with tears. They offered no answers to her vague statement, and I now feared that the reason for her attempted suicide was worse than my previous assumptions. She had not done it because she thought I was leaving her, nor had she done it because Wyndam had made her. I shook my head in confusion and, moments later, echoed my thoughts.

"Then why-"

"I couldn't take it anymore, Edward!" Bella was half shouting, half sobbing, and the tears were coming more profusely down her cheeks. She – much to my surprise – wrenched her arms out of my grasp and seized fistfuls of her hair, holding onto her head in obvious torment. She squeezed her eyes shut, still sobbing and clutching her head, her fists tangled in her hair. She began to hyperventilate again, her breathing coming in short gasps, interrupted occasionally with another sob.

I heard Esme gasp behind me, and she moved forward to hold onto Carlisle's arm. Her eyes were narrowed with worry.

I turned back to look at Bella, and saw that her eyes were open, red from crying, and she was staring at me. Occasionally, her chest would heave as she took in another shaky breath. The tears were still falling silently down her cheeks.

"I just couldn't stand having him possess me, cause me all this pain; make me kill all those innocent people…" Bella spoke in a strained voice, the anguish and desolation evident with every word she said. She buried her face in her hands and resumed sobbing.

The words sunk in, and I froze momentarily. My mind was struggling to process everything, and it was starting to make me dizzy. When Bella's words were sufficiently etched into my brain, I swallowed hard.

"So you…you jumped off that cliff of your own accord?" I asked in a low voice, fearful of what Bella would say next.

Bella looked up from her hands. Her whole face was wet with tears, and her eyes were swollen from crying. Slowly, her lower lip trembling, she nodded.

"I-I thought that if I killed myself I would finally be rid of him." She drew another shaky breath and shook her head. "But it didn't work. He refused to let me die; he was having too much fun." She continued shaking her head, and her eyes narrowed as she recalled the horrible memory. In moments she was crying again. "So I just lay there, unconscious on the rocks until my parents found me and took me to Dr. Cullen…" She was sobbing harder, and she buried her face in her hands again.

"Oh Bella…"

I took her in my arms, and she sobbed into my shirt, soaking it within minutes. I held her tigHHHhtly and stroked her hair, doing my best to soothe her. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes, resting my cheek against her head. Her sobbing in no way was subsiding – if anything, it became even more profuse.

It made me ache to see her in so much pain. The physical and emotional misery that Wyndam had put her through was so profound that I, too, felt the pain that she was in. I wanted now, more than ever, to rid Bella of this vermin that possessed her. To think that she had suffered endless torment and depression like no other for two weeks made me swell with anger. Not just anger, but sadness. Regret. Pain. Guilt.

The guilt was especially prominent. I always knew that I was no good for Bella, and now that she had become possessed I was even more convinced of this. It was as if I was a beacon for horrible, unfortunate occurrences, and I couldn't help thinking that I had something to do with the treachery that had befallen Bella, that I was to blame. I sighed heavily, and my misery must have been evident, because my own thoughts were interrupted by Esme's warm voice.

_It's not your fault._

I turned my head – still holding onto Bella – to look at Esme. She smiled sadly and nodded.

It was then that I saw that Carlisle was not present. I hadn't noticed his exit – I was too immersed in my own quandary. I now scanned the room for any sight of him, frowning when the search was fruitless.

Esme turned and walked silently out of the sitting room and into the kitchen.

"Carlisle?" I called, certain that he would be able to hear my voice.

I drew Bella away from my body and saw that she was no longer crying. She looked father tired, and immediately when I pulled her away she collapsed back into my chest. I stood up and lifted Bella from the ground, cradling her in my arms as if she was a small child. I went into the kitchen, still carrying her, and saw Carlisle and Esme.

Esme was sitting at the kitchen table, Carlisle standing with his hands on the edge of the counter. The exorcism book was lying open on the table, and both Carlisle and Esme were reading from it, their lips moving so fast that the words were indistinguishable. I gently set Bella down in a wooden chair at the other end of the table, and walked towards my parents.

"Carlisle, what do we do?" I asked solemnly. Carlisle looked up from the book.

"Hmm?"

"How do we get rid of this…this _thing _inside her?" I asked, gesturing to Bella.

Carlisle looked down at the book again, flipping through more pages. Finally, he looked up.

"We will have to perform an exorcism. But I –" He broke off. A worried look crossed his face, and he opened his mouth as if to say something. Abruptly, he closed it and looked back down at the book.

This concerned me. Whatever it was had to be bad, for if it wasn't, Carlisle would not hide it from me. I tried to read his thoughts and divulge information, but for the moment he was reciting a poem by Walt Whitman, moving onto Edgar Allan Poe when he had finished the first. I would have laughed at his attempts to keep me from the information, were I not severely worried.

"What is it?" I asked quickly. I was determined to know what it was that had Carlisle so troubled, but, in truth, I was as scared as Hell.

Carlisle looked up from the book, took one look at my expression and sighed. He rubbed his eyebrows and sighed again, defeated. When he spoke next his voice was the gravest it had ever been.

"When an evil spirit possesses a human, it consumes half of their soul – becomes a part of them." His eyes narrowed with worry, and he seemed to be contemplating whether or not to tell me the next piece of information. "The incantations said during the exorcism…they literally rip" – he gestured with his hands and I winced – "the demon away from the soul." He sighed once more, and that same expression of sheer worry and what seemed like sympathy crossed his face. "I don't want to alarm you, but it…it may kill her."

Those last four words chilled me to the bone, in a way that had nothing to do with being a vampire. They clung in the air and seemed to make it thicker, pressing down on me until I felt suffocated.

_It may kill her. _

That phrase remained etched into my mind, repeated over and over until I felt dizzy. I struggled to remain calm, though how anyone could be calm after just hearing that your love might die I did not know. I shook my head slowly, all the while trying to breathe at a normal rate. My hands were clenched into fists.

"No."

I spoke firmly, clearly. I absolutely refused to let Bella die. Even though Carlisle had said it _may _kill her, and was not entirely sure in his presumption, I wasn't going to take any chances. In my mind I was definite that the exorcism would not go forward if there was even the slightest chance that Bella would die – and I wasn't about to change my mind.

My jaw was set, and I shook my head again slowly.

"No," I repeated, clenching my fists tighter together. "We'll find another way."

"Damn it, Edward!"

Bella's cry came from behind me. I whipped round to see tears falling down her cheeks. Her eyes held rage, and I was surprised to see that she was angry at me. This was the first time Bella had ever been angry with me, let alone shouted at me. Her breathing came in gasps, and she, too, was shaking her head.

"There _is _no other way!"

She was shouting louder now. She gave a sound much like a whimper and seized fistfuls of her hair again, sobs now combining with the whimpering. She continued to shake her head.

"I…I don't want it in me anymore, Edward! I can't _take _it!" She cried, half sobbing, half shouting. Tears were still streaming down her face. "I just, I –"

"Sshh…"

I was by her side in the blink of an eye, kneeling down in front of her and stroking her face and hair soothingly. She was no longer whimpering, but crying silently. I wiped away her tears with my thumb and held her face in my hands.

The silence dragged on for what seemed like hours. The only sounds were the occasional sob from Bella and my futile attempts to console her. Finally, Carlisle's solemn voice cut through the silence.

"She's right, Edward."

I turned around and saw the grave, golden eyes of my father staring back into mine. His expression was one of profound seriousness and regret. He raised his hands and then dropped them, sighing in defeat. He shook his head.

"This is the only way."

I turned back to Bella, sighing. After Bella's hysteric outburst and Carlisle's grave announcement, I finally began to realise that this was indeed the only way to rid Bella of the demon that possessed her. But that didn't mean that I wanted to do it.

I struggled with myself internally, trying to decide between the two impossible choices. If we went forward with the exorcism, there was surely a chance that Bella might die. And I wasn't going to let that happen.

But there was another option. Leave Bella with this thing inside of her, and try to find some other way to get rid of it without putting Bella's life at risk.

_And let her spend each day in excruciating agony? _My conscience countered.

Intolerable.

I sighed again, realising that I was defeated. I gazed into Bella's eyes, trying to memorise everything about her; her lips, her hair, her eyes – everything. This, I realised, might be the last time I would see her alive, up close, before the impending exorcism.

Feeling as though I had forsaken my angel, and with a gut wrenching pang, I slowly nodded.


	10. Pain and Forever: Part I

Every footstep that I took on the hard, wooden floorboards resounded in my ears, like stone slamming into stone. The rope I held in my hands felt heavy, despite my supernatural strength. I walked slowly towards the large living room, feeling as though I was carrying a noose. And in some ways I was.

The guilt that I had felt previously still flowed through me now, searing my insides like a branding iron. My mind would not allow me to feel any other emotion. Somewhere, deep inside me, was the belief that I was to blame for all that had befallen Bella. I'd always had some measure of self-loathing inside of me, and all this did was increased that loathing further.

I knew that my exaggerated guilt was stupid. Esme had tried to convince me of this many times, and, deep down I knew it was true. It was not I that was to blame for Bella's possession; it was Wyndam. _Wyndam _and his evil agenda. There were hundreds, thousands more women out there that were a magnitude of times more sinful than Bella. Why did he not choose to consume _their _souls instead?

I grimaced as I realised that they probably already were. If one were to glimpse their souls, they would probably see hundreds of deep, gaping holes covering their souls. The evil inside them would flow through their veins, black as tar, poisoning them until they became nothing more than a monster. They would be lifeless, dead, completely consumed by the malevolence they held inside them; all brought on by their own treachery.

But Bella was not one of them. She was not cold and spiteful like all the others. Indeed, she had committed an act of sin, but even in her wrongdoings she held good intentions. Not that Wyndam had cared, of course. He hadn't cared that she was an innocent, righteous person. He hadn't cared that she still had good in her heart, that she'd never intended any harm on anyone. Wyndam was merciless, only thinking of possessing Bella for his own wicked purposes. He'd thought only of taking advantage of her and using her for further treason.

I grimaced again. Bella had never wanted this. She never imagined that anything like this would happen. All she'd wanted was to alleviate the stress on her deprived, struggling parents for a time.

And now she was being punished for it.

My hand clenched tighter around the rope, the rough fibres pressing against my palms and leaving indents in my skin. The sudden rush of anger I felt was, no doubt, due to thoughts of Wyndam and all his wretched doings. I loathed that man for all that he'd done to Bella, and I struggled to remain calm as I thought of all the pain and woe he'd brought upon us all – especially Bella.

I realised that I was taking my anger out on the rope in my hand. I was now holding it so tight that it was almost breaking – I slowly loosened my hold on the object. My tendons relaxed and I flexed my hand, glancing at the imprints the rope had left. I tried to breathe normally, evenly, focusing on the heaving of my chest as I inhaled and exhaled.

Now was not the time to lose my temper. There were more pressing matters to consider; Bella's looming exorcism, for instance. She was about to have her soul ripped apart, have a demon be extracted from her body – and here _I _was, having an emotional breakdown.

I inhaled deeply again, hearing only the soft _whoosh _of air flowing in and out of my body. Every breath I took that was not accompanied by the pounding of a heart only reminded me even more of the monster that I was. Guilt combined with my venom, and together they coursed through my body, blazing a scorching trail of self-loathing through my veins. I knew I was not to blame for all that had befallen Bella – Wyndam was the one to blame for everything – but I still couldn't help the thoughts that rushed through my mind.

They were thoughts of guilt, of pain, and of the firm belief that I was a selfish, horrible being. They were irrational, of course, and even though both Esme and Bella had told me repeatedly that I was not an awful, loathsome creature – I couldn't help it.

Perhaps it was Wyndam that had brought on these sudden, intense feelings of self-hatred? It must be him. I'd always thought I was horrible, but these feelings had, of late, a tendency to increase whenever Wyndam was thrown into the mix.

I cursed his name internally again, thinking it with all of the hate and bitterness I could muster. If he had not possessed Bella in the first place then I wouldn't be focusing on hating myself – and him – so much; instead centring my attention on Bella and the impending exorcism.

God. I _was _wretched.

I shook my head to clear it and walked faster towards the living room. I tried not to think of Wyndam as I walked across the floor towards Carlisle, the rope hanging loosely from my hands. I still did not know what its purpose was. Carlisle had only instructed me to go and get him a length of rope while he took care of other unknown business downstairs.

As soon was I entered the living room, I knew something was different. Though I could not pinpoint it, there was definitely something. I scanned the room. The walls were the same creamy colour, the couches and armchairs still against them as usual. The white, lace curtains still hung limply, framing the windows.

It was only when I looked at the floor did I discover the abnormality. The patterned rugs had been taken away, replaced by a huge, white symbol. It was a five pointed star inside a circle, with a pentagon in the middle of it. Inside each triangular section of the star was a different word, which I presumed was written in Latin. It was huge, covering most of the floor.

My gaze lingered on the chalky white lines of the symbol. I was still trying to figure out what the words meant when Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Edward?"

My head snapped up. Carlisle was looking at me expectantly and with a raised eyebrow. A smile played along the edges of his lips.

"The rope, Edward," he said, holding out his hand to receive it.

I looked down at my hand and remembered that I was indeed holding a rope.

"Oh…sorry," I muttered, and handed him the rope.

Carlisle smiled and took it. I frowned slightly.

"Are you going to tell me what it's for?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

I had, of course, tried to read his mind to divulge this information myself, but his thoughts were so jumbled I could not distinguish them without getting a severe headache.

Carlisle was about to answer when Esme came into the room, Bella in tow. Esme was carrying a wooden chair, though the way she was holding it was similar to that of how one would hold a bomb. She held it out at arm's length in front of her, as if it was diseased or something. She – and Bella – looked upon it with wary eyes.

Esme continued to walk until she was standing on the strange symbol on the floor. She then set the chair down precisely in the middle of the star and walked away so that she was outside of the markings on the floor. Bella, however, stayed.

I watched in utter confusion and – for some reason – dread as Bella sat on the chair, placing her arms on the two wooden armrests, and looking at Carlisle with expectant eyes.

I had no idea what was going on. Clearly, Carlisle had said something to Bella and Esme, also giving them instructions in my absence, but precisely what words had been exchanged I did not know. I now set out to find the answer.

"Carlisle," I began in a tone of immense curiosity, "what's going on?"

Carlisle looked up from the exorcism book he held in his hands to look at me with anxious eyes.

"Well, we're preparing for the exorcism," he replied slowly.

I was aghast.

"You're going to do it _now_?" I asked, horrified. I hadn't been given any warning as to the circumstances of the exorcism. How could Carlisle do it now, when I hadn't even gotten a chance to talk to Bella, to assemble my thoughts, to – I swallowed hard – say goodbye? Quickly, my eyes flashed to my angel. I tried to memorise everything about her – her pale face, her hair, her chocolate brown eyes that were now tinged with anxiety and worry.

Carlisle noticed my distress and immediately set out to try and calm me.

"No, no, of course we're not going to perform it right this very minute, Edward," he said soothingly. My eyes returned to Carlisle. "I still need some time to prepare the incantations, of course, and Bella will need to be restrained." He walked towards the staircase while he spoke. "Esme, if you will…" He gestured to Esme and together they ascended the scarlet carpeted stairs.

One word in particular had me rooted to the spot. I stared after Carlisle, trying to register exactly what he had said. I had ceased to breathe – such was the effect of the statement – and I now inhaled sharply, struggling to reassemble my jumbled thoughts.

"Restrained?" My voice had a note of hysteria to it, and at this I was surprised. I tried to compose myself.

Carlisle stopped and turned slowly, as did Esme. Carlisle's ochre eyes were anxious, and he took a deep breath as if to also try and calm himself.

"Yes, er…restrained," he said in a voice so low only audible to the ears of vampires. Then he sighed and took one step down. "The extraction of the demon will, in addition to the pain it inflicts on the carrier," – I flinched – "cause him to thrash wildly as it is being drawn from the body. It's vital that Bella is kept on that chair, so that she does not attempt to harm herself or others during the exorcism," he said in a rush.

I flinched again as the image of Bella thrashing in pain entered my mind. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath – and realised something.

"Is that what the rope is for?" I asked, laughing internally at my own stupidity.

"Yes," Carlisle replied, nodding. He descended the steps completely now and walked towards me, holding out the rope. "You will need to restrain her, Edward. Tie both of her hands to the armrests, and ensure that she is secure. I shudder to think what would happen if she were not tied down properly." His eyes were anxious. "Make sure she's safe, Edward."

I nodded and took the rope from him.

"I will," I vowed.

Carlisle gave me a small smile and ascended the stairs again. Esme looked at me anxiously over her shoulder as she and Carlisle turned a corner and disappeared.

I sighed, clutching the rope tightly.

_Make sure she's safe…_

Carlisle's words were repeated over and over in my head. Again I felt the feeling of guilt and self-loathing creep up on me, telling me with a pang that if I had been there for Bella in the first place, she would not be in this mess now…

No. I would not let my own emotions engulf me; not now, when the time was so crucial. I pushed the hatred down and reminded myself of the promise I had made; I would keep Bella safe. I simply refused for this demon to grasp her in its clutches, dragging her away as she drifted slowly into death. I would keep her alive. _Safe._

I turned around so that I was now facing Bella. She still sat, silent and unmoving in the wooden chair; staring at me. Her eyes followed me as I walked towards her, the rope dragging along the floor behind me. I stopped and stood in front of her, wondering how best to tie her hands down without hurting her.

"Bella, I have to res–"

"I know," she interjected. She stretched her arms so that they were lying upon the armrests, looking at me expectantly.

I hesitated, dazed by her reaction. Never had I imagined that she would willingly offer her arms to be tied down, treating it as if it was simply a nonchalant action. But quickly I snapped out of my trance, getting down on my knees to tie her arms to the chair.

It felt exceedingly blasphemous, tying her to the chair. I fumbled with the rope, cursing myself with every twist and knot that I made in it. I did not want to tie it too tightly, for fear of hurting Bella, and so I went about the process slowly, taking care not to cut off her circulation.

_What sort of a situation is this? _I thought to myself bitterly. This is not how it should be done. I, Edward – the wicked, undeserving one – tying Bella – the goddess to rule all goddesses – to a chair? Ridiculous. I continued tying the rope, trying to press the rough fibres into my _own _skin and take the pain off Bella.

_Her legs, too, Edward._

Carlisle's sudden thought made me jump, and my fingers fumbled with the rope. I stopped, trying to process this latest instruction. After a moment's hesitation, and with my feelings of self-hatred increasing, I began to tie her legs to the chair.

When I was finished I stood up to get a better look at Bella. She had not said a word the whole time I had been tying her to the chair, and the atmosphere was now rather tense.

Bella simply stared at the ropes tied around her wrists with melancholy eyes, still not saying a word. Again – for what seemed like the millionth time – I sincerely wished that I could read her mind. But, this time, instead of just cursing myself and trying futilely to read her thoughts, I decided to assume.

"You're going to be okay, Bella," I said softly, though whether to convince her or myself I did not know.

Bella did not respond. She continued to stare down at the ropes, clenching and unclenching her fists repeatedly. After several minutes, she spoke.

"What if I'm not?" Her voice was small, but I was still able to pick up the nuance of terror and despair that hid behind her tone. She looked down at her hands when she spoke.

"You will be," I replied, pronouncing each word carefully. Every syllable rang with the promise I had made earlier – to keep her safe. She would be okay. She would survive – no, she _will _survive. She _will. _

I repeated this affirmation in my mind, over and over. I was definite in my promise, but I could still recognise the awful contradictions and uncertainties that I had tried to dispel creeping up on me.

_What if she's not okay? _I shuddered as the thought entered my mind. I tried not to exercise such horrible notions; I forced them out of my mind with great difficulty, and again said the only thing that I had been trying to convince myself of.

"You _will _be, Bella," I repeated, this time more firmly. I lifted her chin to look in her eyes, and I saw that she was struggling to hold back tears.

She shook her head.

"You don't know that." Still shaking her head and now blinking away tears, she continued in a terrified whisper. "You don't know if everything will be okay, if I'll survive…" She broke off, for her lower lip was trembling severely and she was now focused on containing her tears.

I said nothing. I simply couldn't form words to respond to what she had just said, couldn't find any way to console her without going against what I, deep down, also knew was true. So I stood there, one hand still underneath her chin, the other clenched by my side, feeling considerably helpless.

Bella inhaled sharply and swallowed hard, her voice cracking when she spoke next.

"I could die, Edward."

She seemed to have given up on controlling her tears, for they now flowed down her cheeks, stemming only when they collided with my hand that was still under Bella's chin.

I shook my head, refusing to consider what I was hearing.

"Don't say that," I said, my shaky voice belying all that I had tried to convince myself of for hours.

Did she think I hadn't thought of that? That I had agreed to go ahead with the exorcism with the certainty that all would be well? Of course I knew that she could die. Though it made me shudder to think of it, and every time I _did _think of it I pushed it away, I knew. Despite all of my reassurances that Bella would survive, somewhere in the back of my mind was always the knowledge that she might not. Refusing to think of it, I would force it out of my mind and make an attempt at an optimistic façade – in vain.

But Bella continued. She shook her head and frowned, clearly angry, her breathing coming faster as she burst into an emotional tirade.

"How can you tell me not to say that? How can you tell me not to say what you yourself know is true?" She stopped, still frowning at me and breathing heavily. She was right. I knew it was true. Before I could say anything, she resumed her rant.

"I could _die_, Edward," she repeated, the words stinging me to the very core. "_Die._ And here you are, telling me not to speak of such things when you know that it is very well a possibility…" Her voice shook as she spoke, but her current state of anger prevented her from bursting into depressed sobs. She narrowed her eyes at me, still shaking her head.

"How can you be so _calm_?" she demanded, stopping her diatribe to blink away more tears.

I was incredulous.

"Oh, _believe me_, Bella, I'm_ far_ from calm_," _I replied, my voice shaking from the disbelief I felt at her statement; I was almost bitter. I absolutely could not understand how she believed that I was calm right now. Never in my life had I been so stressed.

Bella's disbelief was also evident.

"Well, Edward, you have an odd way of showing it!" She was almost hysterical. "You don't seem distressed at all! You just stand there, telling me not to speak of my possible death" – I flinched – "and showing no emotion at all…and here _I _am, in tears and frightened, while you remain stoic!" She tried to lift her hands – whether to seize her head again or to slap me I did not know – but as she was bound by ropes, movement was out of the question. Incensed, she sighed heavily and frowned.

"Can't you do _something_?" she asked, half crying, half maddened. "Something to display just a _fraction_ of emotion? Soon Carlisle will perform the exorcism and my soul will be ripped apart and my life endangered…and still you do nothing!" I still said nothing as Bella proceeded to talk faster and louder as her infuriation increased. "Why aren't you panicking? Why aren't you pulling fistfuls of hair from your head in anger, or…or throwing furniture around the room? She demanded. "Please, Edward, just _panic_! Nothing in the world would satisfy me more than to see you _react, _in one way or another! Please, just–"

Suddenly and before she could say another word, I crushed her lips with mine. I took my hand away from her chin to hold the back of her neck, the other entwining her fingers with mine. Though I kissed her on impulse, I was still conscious of the fact that she was still human, still very fragile; I exercised extreme control in order not to harm her.

At first, Bella's lips were unyielding against mine – perhaps she was shocked by my unexpected action. But soon they softened, and she began to respond subserviently. However, before she could get carried away and, consequently, drive me to insanity, I broke the kiss.

Still bracing her neck with my hand, I pulled away to study her face. All traces of anger and irritation were gone, replaced by surprise and slight confusion. She blinked rapidly and inhaled deeply, as if trying to resume a normal heart rate.

"Wh-what are you doing?" she asked, sounding rather dazed.

The corners of my mouth flicked up into a smile, and I bent my head to move closer to Bella.

"I'm panicking."

At first Bella looked even more surprised than before, but then her own lips curled upwards into a grin.

"Finally," she said teasingly, rolling her eyes.

I grinned again, and was about to continue with the inane banter when Carlisle's thoughts interrupted my own.

_Edward. It's time._

I froze, the smile slowly fading from my face. The time had come for Bella to be exorcised. I didn't think Carlisle would get prepared so quickly; the time I'd spent with Bella in his absence was not nearly enough to say everything I wanted to say – to say goodbye. My anxiety must have been evident on my face, because Bella fixed me with a worried stare, trying to rouse me from my reverie.

"Edward?" Her voice was worried. "Edward, what's wrong?" She continued to prompt me in this manner.

I snapped out of my daze and looked back at Bella, whose eyes were wide and her brow was creased. Fervently, I seized her again and pressed my lips to hers, the knowledge that I might never see her again fuelling my vehemence and causing all of my emotions to tumble out in this one, ardent action.

This time, Bella pulled away.

I was surprised, to say the least. My eyes narrowed with confusion as I searched Bella's eyes to find the cause of her…_indifference._ She was exactly as confused as I was, though _her _eyes held astonishment and what seemed like anger, whereas mine still burned with desire and desperation.

Bella shook her head, frowning.

"Edward, what are you–"

But my lips were upon hers again, this time with even more fervour – if that was possible. My enthusiasm was marred with the shock I felt at myself and what I was doing. This was very unlike me. Never, under any circumstances, would I ever dare to cross the boundary line that was so dominant in our relationship.

And yet I continued to kiss her. I no longer cared that Bella was not responding to my affections. All I cared about was trying to savour these last few minutes before Carlisle and Esme would come downstairs, dismiss me from Bella's side, and then proceed to tear her soul apart. This, I decided, was the cause of my ardency.

I pulled away for a brief second, and was about to move my lips to her neck, when Bella pushed me roughly away.

"Edward!" She was definitely angry now.

Though she was not nearly strong enough to hurt me physically, I still stumbled when she pushed me. Her eyes burned into mine and mirrored my own shock; though hers were tinged with anger.

"What on Earth are you doing?" she asked, almost hissing. Though her voice was gentler than before, I still could not mistake her incense.

I did not reply.

"Edward, this isn't like you at all," she continued, shaking her head. Then her voice became softer. "Edward, what's going on?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"Bella…you have to…I mean, Carlisle says that, very soon…" I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to compose myself enough to form a coherent sentence. "It's time for the–" I broke off, unable to say the word. The sound of Carlisle and Esme's approaching footsteps didn't help my misery. I sighed again, and tried once more. "The–"

"– exorcism?" Bella finished the sentence for me in a whisper.

I looked up. "Yes."

She looked down at the ropes tying her hands to the chair and nodded slowly.

"Bella…"

I closed the space that had been created when Bella had pushed me away, to hold her face gently in my hands. I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and Bella's eyes closed at my touch; a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered, placing a single, gentle kiss on her hand.

"Edward…"

Bella's tone was almost pleading, though for what reason I had no idea. Her eyes opened and they sparkled with tears, however Bella seemed determined to contain them.

"Edward," she repeated, her voice miniscule. "If I don't get through this, then–"

"You _will, _Bella," I interjected firmly, though my voice was still low. Bella shook her head.

"No, Edward, please listen to me." Her lower lip trembled, but still no tears came. "If I don't get through this, then I want you to know something. I want you to know that I love you."

I was puzzled as to why Bella was being so deathly serious about this. I already knew that she loved me.

"I know that, Bella," I said, echoing my thoughts. My brow furrowed in confusion. "And I love you," I added.

Bella took a deep, shaky breath and exhaled slowly. Her attempt at containing her tears was beginning to fail.

"Then will you promise me something?" she asked, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Of course," I replied, nodding. I would do anything she asked of me. If she desired I get down on the floor and lick her shoes clean, I would happily obey.

"Promise me, Edward," she said, now on the verge of tears, "that you'll love again."

I'm sure my heart would have sunk if it could. Bella was asking me to love again? After everything we'd been through; Bella's suicide attempt, the revelation of her possession, how my affections and sentiments had amassed over time, the countless moments I'd wanted to kill her but refused most austerely. After all this, she wanted me to love again. Impossible.

"I can't do that, Bella," I said, looking into her eyes.

"Why not?" she countered in a whisper.

Something very akin to shock washed over me.

"What do you mean, 'why not'?" I asked, my voice rising slightly. My free hand moved to hold her other one. "Bella, I can tell you now that I will never, _ever, _love another as I've loved you."

"But that doesn't mean you won't, does it?" Bella inquired. She sounded almost hopeful.

I shook my head.

"It does," I said simply, firmly. "Why are you stressing this so much, Bella? One would think you actually _want _me to love another, the way you speak," I added, my eyes narrowing slightly with suspicion.

Bella's own eyes widened and she opened her mouth in annoyance.

"Well, maybe I do!" she cried, frowning.

"What? Why?" I responded, shocked.

"Do you think, for a second, I would want you to spend the rest of eternity alone and miserable, refusing to love again, when I'm gone?" she demanded in a whisper.

"No, of course not, Bella, but–"

"Because I don't!" Bella cried, shaking her head. Despite her infuriation, tears were beginning to fall down her cheeks against her will; she blinked them away. Then, her voice became softer. "I don't want you to be alone, Edward. I don't want you to be horrible and depressed when I die."

I looked down at the ropes that bound Bella to the chair, my mouth pressed into a line.

"But _I _do," I said, my voice so low that I wondered if Bella had heard it. I looked up at her face and, sure enough, she'd heard it. Her mouth was open in astonishment and disbelief.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Bella, that _if _you do die, there's every certainty that I _will _become horrible and taciturn for the rest of eternity. I guarantee you that." I brushed my fingers along her jaw line, focusing on that instead of her eyes. "How can you expect me to love another when I can't even _exist _when you don't?" It wasn't quite a rhetorical question.

Bella had – remarkably – been able to contain her tears the whole time I'd been speaking. I hated to see her so forlorn, so I set out with the single goal of cheering her up.

"But hey," I began, forcing a smile and tucking another lock of hair behind her ear. "It's not certain that you'll even die in this exorcism, so let's not talk of such things unnecessarily."

Carlisle and Esme entered the room suddenly, talking quietly amongst themselves and both with grave looks on their faces. I turned my head and saw Carlisle brandishing his exorcism book, flipping through pages as he spoke to Esme. He looked up and our eyes met; we both nodded.

Sighing, I stood up and turned to face Bella.

"I love you," I said softly, kissing her forehead gently.

"I love you, Edward," she replied, and her hand grasped mine tightly.

I kissed her forehead again and pulled away to look her in the eyes.

"You'll be okay, Bella. You _will._" I said softly. I tried to smile.

Bella took a deep breath and looked up at me, determined more than ever not to cry. She smiled, but it did not touch her eyes.

"I know I will, Edward. I'll be fine," she said, though whether to convince me or herself I did not know.

I could see her struggling to remain composed. I stroked her face gently with one finger and said, "I'll be here, Bella."

"I know," Bella replied, her voice shaking slightly. When I opened my mouth to reassure her again of her survival, she interrupted quickly. "I'll be fine, Edward. Really, I'm braver than I look." She smiled again, this time a little more genuinely.

I smiled and nodded once.

_Attagirl, Bella. _I thought.

I pressed my lips to hers very softly, knowing that this was probably the last time I would. I brushed my fingers across her cheek, drank in the sight of her one last time, and then walked to Carlisle's side.

He looked up from his book and gave me a sad smile.

"Everything is ready, Edward," he said in a tone of extreme sincerity.

I nodded and said, with great difficulty, "Whenever you're ready."

Carlisle put a comforting hand on my shoulder, and kept it there as his warm voice floated through my head in a rush of sudden thought.

_The exorcism will last for one day, Edward. This time tomorrow evening, Wyndam will be gone from Bella's soul, if not from the face of the Earth. I'm sorry to return to this subject, but, there are a few things you need to know about the pain involved._

I shook my head.

"Its okay, Carlisle. Continue." I said.

Carlisle flashed another sad smile and thought: _It is said that the pain involved in an exorcism is similar to the pain associated with the change from human to vampire. Not quite the same, but very similar. _He paused. _You need to stay with her, Edward. If she survives then your presence will be crucial during her recovery. You may feel a little helpless, seeing her in such a state and unable to do anything, but just by being there you help her. Do you understand?_

I nodded.

"I understand."

Carlisle's butterscotch eyes turned sympathetic.

_I know you love her, Edward. _

I inhaled deeply and nodded. "I do."

Carlisle gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze, and then went to Bella's side in half a second. He spoke to her in a low voice, basically recounting everything he had told me to her. He smiled warmly and wished her good luck, then walked backwards away from Bella until he was just outside of the circle.

He met my eyes and nodded, and then sent a nod in Bella's direction. The atmosphere was unbearably tense as he looked back down at his book and began to chant the unfamiliar Latin.

The lights flickered weakly, and then went out.

I stared, mesmerised, as the incantations immediately began to take effect. Bella's eyes widened and her jaw clenched, a faint snarl rumbling deep in her throat. Her hands clutched the arms of the chair, her knuckles white. Every part of her body tensed. Carlisle began to pace around the circle, still reading the complex Latin in a loud, ominous voice.

Bella's head jerked to the side in a blindingly fast movement, returning to the centre for a brief second, before wrenching to the other side. Her jaw remained clenched and the tendons in her neck were prominent against her pale skin. I watched in awe as her head continued to jolt this way and that, a low snarl ripping through her chest occasionally as the demon inside consumed her.

She finally stopped jerking, and now threw her head back in another inhumanly rapid movement, her mouth open and her eyes bloodshot. Her hands were still gripping the fronts of the armrests, and every tendon and bone in her body stood out as she tried to contain the pain ripping through her. Carlisle's chanting became louder, his pacing faster; the lights flickered on and off repeatedly as Bella's body trembled violently. Still with her head and eyes pointed towards the ceiling, she grasped the chair so tight now that I feared her bones would break. She gave another snarl.

And then she screamed.


	11. Pain and Forever: Part II

Pain – unbearable, excruciating, searing _pain _– tore through me. I fell to my knees and felt the cold wood of the floor underneath me, supporting me, as I threatened to collapse entirely. Bella's scream of pain reverberated off the walls, making the, chandelier on the ceiling tremble – I would swear I heard the windows crack. She continued screaming, not stopping for air for a full five minutes. I clenched my eyes shut and tried to remain somewhat composed, though I tried in vain. My whole body trembled as I tried to contain my own pain and refrain from yelling out myself.

Finally, Bella stopped screaming. My eyes flew open and I watched Bella warily, looking for any sign that she was going to scream again. Her head was still towards the ceiling, hands clenched around the wooden armrests, her whole body extremely tense. Low, coarse whimpers of pain now replaced the screaming, interrupted occasionally with another guttural snarl. Carlisle's chanting became faster, louder, and it was only when I listened hard did I realise that he had changed passages.

I decided that it was safe to stand again, so as Carlisle bellowed complex phrases incessantly, I was in the process of returning to an upright position. I had one knee on the ground now, and was about to heave myself upwards, when Bella screamed again.

This time, my face hit the floor. I gasped and inhaled a mouthful of dust, as the pain came crashing down on me even fiercer than before. A deep, gaping hole ripped through my lifeless heart and sent me into a state of wretched agony. With each dreadful scream from Bella, a fresh wave of pain washed over me and sent another arrow through my heart, widening the already cavernous hole.

I felt someone beside me, and then a hand on my shoulder, trying to help me up. Esme said my name repeatedly – her anxious voice sounded distant and muffled. Then, I felt her hands underneath my arms, lifting me up like I was a toddler. Bella screamed again, and I fell to the floor once more as the agony lanced through me. My arms were wrenched out of Esme's grasp as I fell, and I vaguely felt the back of my hand connect with her cheek.

I was instantly penitent.

"Esme…" I managed to choke out that one word before finally yelling out in pain.

"Edward?" Esme's voice was still distant, still frantic.

"I'm sorry…Esme…so…sorry…" I gasped in between pangs.

I felt her hand on my forehead, soothing words in my ear.

"No, no, it's okay Edward," she whispered, trying her best to calm me. "I'm fine, really."

"It hur–" I began, but broke off and cried out again, clutching at my chest as another arrow shredded what was left of my heart.

"What was that?" Esme asked, her voice even more frantic.

"It…_hurts_ Esme…hurts…so much…"

"I know, Edward, I know."

Esme tried again to pick me up off the floor, lifting me gently by the arms and holding me steady when my feet were firmly on the floor.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

I opened my mouth to answer, but in that moment Bella let out another piercing shriek; I clenched my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut, wrapping my arms across my body and trying not to collapse.

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Keeping my eyes closed, I murmured, "When she screams…it hurts."

Esme didn't respond. I opened my eyes and looked away from her, focusing my attention on Bella, who was now clawing at the armrests of her chair. I winced, but continued speaking.

"It's as if whenever I see her in so much pain, a little piece of me is torn away," I whispered, wincing again. "When she screams, I scream. Her pain is my pain."

Esme still said nothing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her reach out to stroke my hair maternally.

"I know you hear this a lot, Edward, and you're probably tired of hearing it," she said thoughtfully, "but she _will _be okay."

I managed to smile, but from Esme's expression it only looked as though I had a toothache.

"Thankyou." I replied softly.

Esme concluded that it would be best if she left me for a while, so with one last sad smile, she walked over to the couch and took a seat; she still watched me with wary eyes.

I hugged myself tighter around the middle and sunk to the floor in one fluid movement, crossing my legs. I began to rock back and forth slowly, still watching Bella – I was unwilling to look away from her. My eyes widened as her scream rang throughout the house again, and bulged when she began to thrash in her chair. She screamed louder and louder with every passing second, never ceasing her cries while she thrashed. I began to worry that her ropes would not hold; such was the nature of her struggling. But I had tied them tightly, and so all they did was leave a red mark where they had rubbed against her skin. My gut plummeted with guilt.

I wanted, so much, to run to her, undo the ropes that bound her to the chair and hold her, assure her with every certainty that she would be alright. I nearly felt like running to Carlisle and ripping the book in half, begging him to stop Bella's agony and find some other way to destroy Wyndam. As I could do neither of those things, the only option for me was to sit patiently and wait until the exorcism was over, and deal with Bella's recovery afterwards.

Bella gave another inhuman yell, and my whole body automatically tensed. It was fortunate that I was already sitting down, for if I had been standing I would surely have collapsed. All I could do now was sit, clench my jaw, and tremble silently.

Esme interrupted my thoughts occasionally with her own, always telling me to be strong for Bella, and reassuring me that she would be okay. Though I appreciated her efforts, I found it best not to think at all, as acts such as these often led my mind onto a dangerous train of thought. I rather welcomed her thoughts, however, when Bella's thrashing became even more severe, and I was in sore need of a distraction.

I watched in horror as she writhed and squirmed in her chair, every tendon and muscle in her body tensed, noticeable against her ivory skin. Her hair flailed around her as she moved, some strands going into her open, screaming mouth. Her back arched, and she twisted about in her chair, still screaming as her soul was ripped in half.

It made me want to die.

Though I knew my pain was nothing compared to Bella's, I still gave a small whimper as the familiar ache clawed at my insides. I called on all my powers of endurance and – somehow – pushed the pain out of my mind and tried to focus on Bella. My self-loathing crept up on me again and reprimanded me for concentrating on my own pain instead of Bella's, throwing me into an abyss of wretchedness; I pushed that away, too.

__________________________**********************__________________________

Night blended into day, day blended into night – finally, after what seemed like a week instead of a day, there was but one hour left in the exorcism to go. Carlisle's chanting had slowed considerably, the Latin becoming less and less complex as time passed.

I'd discovered that my old method of sitting on my hands worked better than wrapping my arms across my chest, so I had remained like that for the majority of the exorcism. They'd numbed by now, but I didn't much care. I needed something to keep myself grounded.

I hadn't taken my eyes off Bella once. Though it made me ache to see her in such a horrible state, I felt somehow obligated to watch her constantly throughout the exorcism. Towards the final hour her thrashing had become even more severe than before, the screaming more gut-wrenching, her pain seemingly endless.

The final hour of the exorcism brought on a profusion of questions and possibilities, the dominant concern being that of Bella's survival. We all knew that there were risks, but now that the end was so near, I began to feel very anxious whenever I thought of it. I'd reassured Bella – and myself – over and over that she would be alright, but in truth nothing was certain. It now occurred to me how very real the possibility of Bella dying was. I finally resigned and concluded that only time would tell, and dwelling on such matters would surely drive me insane – if it hadn't already.

_Almost there, Edward. _

Esme's warm, honey coated voice drifted through my mind. I looked at her over my shoulder for a nanosecond to flash a smile, and then snapped back to Bella, gluing my eyes to her writhing form. Bella's eyes were now shut and she tossed and turned endlessly, as if she was having some sort of nightmare. As she was awake, I could only assume that Wyndam was torturing her mentally as he tried desperately to cling to his last fragment of soul before being annihilated completely. The idea made me shudder with anger. Could he not just accept death and allow himself to be exterminated, and stop Bella's suffering? I began an internal string of profanities against Wyndam, and was very thankful that Esme could not read minds.

Time moved at a snail's pace, creeping by at an infuriatingly slow rate. I glanced at the clock and back at Bella so frequently that I felt as if I were watching a tennis rally. I was amazed that Carlisle had been able to keep up his chanting for so long. Even though I knew he could not become tired from the task, I still expected some sort of mental impact on his part from chanting Latin for an entire day, non-stop. But still he continued, his voice or pace never wavering for a second.

I thought of numerous ways of thanking Carlisle after the exorcism was over, as I needed something to distract me from Bella's torture – otherwise I would surely go insane. My imagination kept up an endless flow of images and scenarios to stabilise me, and I soon found the time flying by. I thought of everything I could to distract myself: what I would say to Bella after this was over; how I would help her recover from her ordeal. Briefly, I thought of the fate of Wyndam and what would happen to him during and after the exorcism. I did not know much about exorcism, but I could only imagine that what was happening to Wyndam was not pleasant. The thought made me smile.

I snapped out of my thoughts and my smile faded instantly when a sudden noise made me jump. Frenetically, I looked towards Bella and saw that she was screaming again. I automatically tensed and braced myself for the barrage of arrows that I knew would come flying, aimed straight for my heart. Bella's howl of pain cut through the air, and almost as soon as it did I felt the all too familiar stab of agony slice through me. There was something about this scream, however, that was different from all the others. Indeed, this one was also full of torment and suffering, but there was a certain demonic quality to this one that the others previously did not possess. _Perhaps it was Wyndam, trying to bid us farewell in the final hour of the exorcism?_ I thought sarcastically, though discovered that there was truth to my theory upon further examination. When I looked at the clock however, I saw that there was but five minutes left in the exorcism to go; I had no idea that the time had gone by so quickly.

I watched – rather impatiently but still on edge – Bella thrashing about in her chair, wishing it all to be over. The ambience had turned considerably tenser; Carlisle was concentrating fiercer than before, Esme was sitting straight up in her chair and not breathing, I was clenching my teeth so hard now that I was amazed they had not shattered – and Bella's affliction was increasing by the second.

My gut twisted and I was nearing breaking point when Bella screamed again. It was the same satanic, deplorable sound that struck me like a battering ram. I tried to block the pain out and concentrate on Bella, however sighed mentally when the emotions seeped back into my awareness. I removed my hands from underneath me, assuming a kneeling position and holding my breath for the final minutes of the exorcism. I almost cried out when Bella threw her head back as she had done before; yelling towards the ceiling like a banshee, as the last few fragments of Wyndam and the soul he possessed were exterminated from her body. I watched in agony as Bella – eyes closed, hands tearing at her now battered chair – opened her mouth just in time as a torturous scream was ripped from her chest for one, final time.

Carlisle finished the last sentence of the chant with a flurry of hand movements; Bella's screaming reached a shattering climax as the demon was expelled from her body; a ghostly howl echoed throughout the house, sending chills down my spine; the windows finally gave in and shattered into millions of tiny pieces, at the exact same time the lights went out.

And then there was silence.

No one was breathing. Esme, Carlisle, me – we had all ceased to breathe in the wake of the exorcism's culmination. I was still on my knees, every fibre of my being alert and anxious as I watched Bella vigilantly, looking for any sign that she was still alive. Her head had lolled to the side after she'd finished screaming, and her eyes were closed; there was no physical indication that she was alive. Even her heart had stopped beating.

I began to fear the worst. Bella was not responding to anything, and all the signs signified that she was not alive. I remained rigid, my mind working furiously as it tried to process the situation. Bella was dead. Wyndam had poisoned her, taken his half of her soul, and all the exorcism did was allow him to be destroyed; in addition to half of Bella's soul. It was all for nothing. Bella was dead.

I hardly recognised my knees buckling, hardly felt my head hit the floor – vaguely registered that I was still not breathing. I wanted to bury my face in my hands and cry, weep for the only thing in my life that made any sense that had gone. I wanted, with another horrible pang, to be able to die. My Bella – my life, my sun, my love – was dead. _Dead. _I was dimly aware that I was slipping into catatonia, and gave in submissively.

"Edward…"

Perhaps _I_ was dead. Such an angelic, sweet voice was surely something that would not be heard anywhere other than Heaven. Or maybe this was Hell. Confined to an eternity of hearing the very thing I desired more than anything else, and it always being just out of my grasp…yes, this was definitely Hell.

"Edward…"

Again, that voice. I wondered briefly what an angel was doing in Hell, and decided that she was sent forth to come and torture me for the rest of forever. I thought it odd that I could not see her amongst the flames and filth, and thought it even odder when I could not see _them _either. Perhaps this was not Hell?

A pair of hands on my shoulders was shaking me roughly, an anxious voice calling to me and telling me to come back. I refused. I did not want to leave Hell. I did not want to leave that glorious voice that I'd heard so clearly as if she was standing right next to me. A peculiar circumstance to be found in Hell, but then again maybe this was Heaven. Heaven for a vampire? How odd…

I felt a hand connect with my cheek and thought this very strange. Surely people were not slapped in Heaven? I concluded that this could not be so, and I reluctantly drew myself back into reality to find the cause of the nuisance.

Carlisle was holding me up by the shoulders, though my feet were still touching the ground. I realised that it was he that had slapped me. Still dazed and confused, I tried to focus on his face that was creased with worry and what looked like annoyance.

_Come on Edward, snap out of it. _His thoughts floated through my head and I struggled to process them. _Bella's alive. _

Alive. That one word awakened me from my trance and seemed to restart my breathing. I frowned and shrugged off Carlisle's hands, looking past him at the small figure sitting on the wooden chair.

Bella, though slightly bruised and looking immensely exhausted, was looking at me with those glorious, brown eyes, and smiling. Her hair was limp and frazzled, and her wrists were red raw from the friction caused by the rope. But she was alive.

"Edward," she said again, in that wonderful, soft voice of hers.

Without wasting another second, I crossed the room in a heartbeat and pulled her into my embrace. I breathed in her scent, completely ignoring the thirst that growled vaguely within me. A laugh escaped my lips, echoing the boundless ecstasy that flowed through me now.

"I thought you'd died," I said into her hair, my voice muffled and tinged with sadness.

I pulled away to kiss her forehead. She smiled weakly at me, and I brushed my thumb lightly over her lips.

"Bella," I said, relishing the warmth that coursed through my body at the mere mention of her name. "I thought you were dead." My voice was feeble and serious.

Bella laughed meekly and a smile touched her lips.

"I thought I was, too," she whispered, her voice hoarse from screaming too much.

I smiled at her, and she began to return the gesture, when her face abruptly contorted into a look of pain. I knew that look all too well.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked immediately, my brow creasing with worry.

Bella scrunched her eyes shut and kept them closed as she responded.

"It just hurts a bit," she replied in that same weak voice.

"Do you need anything?" I asked, stroking her cheek soothingly.

Her face assumed that same mask of pain, and she clenched her fists. "Actually, I think I need to lie down for a while."

I nodded and helped her up, supporting her as we walked together up the stairs, down the long corridor and into a spare bedroom. I set her down gently on the bed and made sure she was alright, kissing her on the forehead again before departing.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked when I had closed the door softly behind me.

"Weak," I replied simply, my expression grave. Carlisle nodded.

"I expected as much. Having half of your soul ripped away from you is not a leisurely stroll through the park. Bella will need time to recover from this," Carlisle replied, frowning as he said the last three words and looking thoughtful. I did not bother with reading his mind.

"What is it?" I asked immediately, fearing the response.

I was right to be scared.

"Well–" He began, but broke off when he saw the expression on my face. He sighed and when he spoke next it seemed as though he was choosing his words very carefully. "Edward, when a person is exorcised and has half of their soul taken away from them, they are very, very weak afterwards. It is quite difficult – if not impossible – for someone to survive without all of their soul intact." My stomach plummeted.

"So, what are you saying?" I asked in a small voice, my eyes anxious. I swallowed hard. "Are you saying she isn't going to recover from this?"

Carlisle's butterscotch eyes were sombre.

"I'm not saying she won't recover from this," he said, wondering whether to tell me the last bit of information, "but I'm not saying she will, either."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't believe that I was going to lose Bella, again. Even though I had only deluded myself into thinking I had the first time, it was still just as bad as it would be if I'd lost her in reality. Carlisle put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

I shook my head.

"Don't say things like that now," I said, surprising myself at my own optimism. "Only time will tell whether she lives or not." I tried to smile, but failed dismally. Carlisle admired my attempt.

I turned to face Bella's bedroom door as Carlisle began to descend the stairs, leaving me standing in the corridor to muse. I just stood there, staring blankly at the polished oak door, thinking about what Carlisle had told me. My mind ran in circles, trying to get used to the possibility that Bella might not survive and then what would happen if she did. I began to feel dizzy, and so I decided to cease dwelling on the future for the sake of my own sanity.

Only time would tell.

___________________________********************__________________________

After a mere hour of Bella resting, I heard cries coming from upstairs and I hurried towards the source, as anxious as ever. I opened Bella's bedroom door and saw her upright, tears flowing down her cheeks and her hands knotted in her hair.

"Whatever is the matter?" I asked, my concern paramount.

Bella struggled to answer through her tears.

"It…just _hurts…_so…much…" she choked, resuming crying once she had spluttered out her sentence.

I ran to her side and tried to soothe her, stroking her face and hair, and reassuring her over and over that everything would be okay. With a shudder, I recalled Carlisle's announcement that Bella might not recover. I decided to call him.

"Carlisle!" I said, just loud enough for him to hear but not so loud that it would distress Bella. He and Esme appeared in the room almost as soon as I had spoken, and both their golden eyes narrowed with worry.

Esme rushed to Bella's side and attended to her maternally. I ushered Carlisle out into the corridor, leaving the door ajar as I followed him and prepared to bombard him with questions.

"Well?" I demanded a little too fiercely than necessary once we were outside.

Carlisle put up his hands and sighed in defeat.

"I don't know what to say to you, Edward. I told you that this would happen," he replied in a low voice. I sighed in exasperation and began to pace back and forth in the corridor, trying desperately to find a solution to our current predicament.

I stopped pacing when nothing came to mind and faced Carlisle, the reality of what was happening hitting me en masse.

"Can't…can't we just help her recover?" I said pathetically. When Carlisle didn't respond I took a step towards him, clenching and unclenching my fists as I did.

"What if we just waited? Maybe she will get better in time," I suggested again, all the while knowing that any attempt to convince myself that the severity of this situation was wrong would be futile.

"I'm so very sorry, Edward. She's…she's not going to live," Carlisle said, as grave as anything.

I could not believe it. I _would _not believe it. My Bella had just had her soul ripped apart, gone through the most excruciating ordeal of her life, and now she was going to die. I felt my knees tremble and I struggled to balance myself as I felt the full weight of reality crush me.

"There isn't anything we can do?" I tried again feebly. "Nothing at all?"

Carlisle shook his head.

"There's nothing, Edward. I'm so sor–"

"'Sorry' isn't going to help, Carlisle!" I thundered, my emotions finally exploding from within me. I breathed heavily and ran my hands through my hair, not bothering with trying to calm myself.

"You have just told me that Bella, my love, my life, is going to die and that there is nothing we can do to help her recover and you're telling me 'sorry'?" I yelled, my eyes wide and wild. Carlisle didn't say anything; he merely looked upon me with sad eyes.

I resumed pacing, trying my best to breathe normally and not shout at Carlisle again. I hated that I'd screamed at my father, and so I turned around to apologise. Just as I was about to speak, I heard a voice from the bedroom.

"Edward…" It was Bella.

I ran inside and Carlisle followed. I found Bella trying to heave herself upwards, watched by an apprehensive Esme. She was propped up on one elbow, but fell back down helplessly on the pillows when she could not find the strength to sit upright.

"What is it, Bella?"

She whispered something incoherent, and it was so minute that even I did not hear it. I listened intently and waited for her to speak again.

"…you," she whispered weakly.

"What did you say?" I asked softly. Bella looked as though even speaking required great effort and strength.

"I…w-want to be…like…you."

I sat in a stunned silence, unsure how exactly to respond to that sentence. I vaguely acknowledged Carlisle agreeing with Bella in his mind, but I ignored that and tried to focus on Bella. I shook my head, dazed.

"I…I don't understand," I replied slowly, still slightly astonished.

Bella made another attempt to sit up, but could not do so without whimpering and her face contorting in pain. I winced.

"I want…to…be like y-you, Edward," she repeated, her voice cracking from the strain of just speaking. "A vampire. I heard you s-speaking…and–" She broke off, wincing again from the pain.

_Of course…_ Carlisle sounded as though he had just had a great epiphany. I turned to look at him and saw that he was smiling ever so slightly and nodding, his eyes glazed over as he lost himself in thought. I blocked him from my mind and tried once again to concentrate. My mouth eventually formed coherent words.

I exhaled sharply. "No, Bella."

That was all I could say. My mind was still in shock from what she had told me.

_But why not, Edward? _

Carlisle, in my moment of weakness, broke through the barriers I had erected and was now sending a flow of thoughts my way. I closed my eyes and tried to focus.

_This solves everything, Edward. Consider it._

I shook my head.

"Absolutely not," I said firmly, my voice still low. Bella's face twisted in pain again.

"But this is perfect!" Carlisle said softly and triumphantly. His face lit up in what was almost excitement, and he came to my side to explain.

"This is perfect!" he repeated, looking akin to a small child who had just received a new toy. "If Bella is changed then she will no longer need the other weak part of her soul, and therefore she will live." I shook my head mutely, still apprehensive. "This could be the best thing that ever happened to her, Edward. Consider it." He looked straight at me, eyebrows raised – waiting for my compliance.

"Please…Edward…" Bella whispered again, sending a stab of pain through me. I looked at her and felt another pang when I saw her face contorted with anguish once more.

"I won't have it, Bella. Never in a million years," I countered, staring right into Bella's chocolate eyes that were tinged with despair.

Bella groaned and clutched at her chest, her breath coming in short little gasps as she tried to bear her pain.

"W-why?" she stammered, her voice barely audible.

"Because I don't want that sort of life for you!" I cried, squeezing her hand slightly in order to emphasise my point.

"I w-won't…have _any_ life…if you d-don't…change me."

I opened my mouth to argue back but realised that she was indeed correct. If she was not changed into a vampire soon, then she would surely die within a few days – and I wasn't going to live with that. However, if she _was _changed, she would be doomed to a soulless, lifeless eternity – equally intolerable. I struggled with my internal divergence, grappling with a riot of emotions before finally surrendering and accepting the fact that, one way or another, Bella was going to be changed.

"I…I don't want you to be damned," I mumbled, my eyes sad and resigned as I stared back into Bella's.

"But _I_ do," she replied, trying once more to sit upright. With my help she succeeded, and after arranging her pillows into more comfortable positions, she resumed staring earnestly into my eyes.

I did not respond to that. I just couldn't. My silence then seemed to trigger her weeping; tears rolled down her cheeks and Bella did nothing to stem them, choosing instead to try and speak through the crying.

"D-don't you…love me?" she choked between sobs, her pain-filled eyes widening as she finished the sentence.

"How can you ask that?" I inquired back, brushing the hair away from her face with my fingers. "All my life I've never loved anyone else."

Bella frowned and seemed to be attempting an angered face, but only achieved a look of even more severe pain. She took a deep breath and seemed to be mustering all of her energy to say the next sentence.

"Then…respect m-my…wishes," she said, her voice miniscule.

I sighed and realised that this conversation was not going to end any time soon. I turned around to ask Esme and Carlisle for a moment of privacy, but stopped abruptly when I saw that they had already gone. It seemed they had been gone for a while. I turned back to Bella and smiled softly.

"I would think you would be tired of people commandeering your soul, Bella," I joked lightly, stroking her face.

Bella appreciated the attempt to cheer her, and her eyes instantly brightened. She smiled wryly.

"On the contrary, the only person I want t-tampering with my soul...is…you," she joked weakly back. We both chuckled softly.

Once our laughter had died and it was deemed that the mood had considerably lifted, I turned serious again and fixed Bella with a resigned look.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" I asked softly. My eyes narrowed. "You do know that when you become a vampire you die, right?"

Bella's mouth opened in shock, and she frowned. I was bemused, wondering as to why she was suddenly so astonished. I recalled my words and realised that Bella thought I was condescending her when I had last spoken. Contrite, I opened my mouth to speak but Bella smiled and pressed a finger to my lips, grinning. I then realised that she was not offended at all. Her smile slowly faded and her expression warped into one of extreme seriousness.

"I'm going to die anyway, Edward," she said softly, her thumb gently tracing the shape of my lips as she spoke. "I only want you, Edward, and I want you forever."

I nodded slowly, but was not, by any means, surrendering.

"The pain –"

"I don't care about the pain, Edward. Three days is nothing if I get to be with you forever." Bella pressed her lips into a line and folded her arms across her chest, defiant. She was deadly serious.

I smiled half-heartedly and ran my thumb over her cheekbone repeatedly.

"I suppose there is no convincing you, then, is there?" I said with a soft chuckle.

Bella smiled pleasantly.

"Not a chance."  
I grinned and pressed my lips to hers gently, relishing in the euphoria that coursed through me at this one mere touch. Bella was still too weak to respond to my affections eagerly, but I did not care. I had the rest of forever to express my sentiments to her; the thought made me grin uncontrollably against her lips.

I broke the kiss but kept my forehead pressed against hers, and I resumed the gentle stroking of her cheekbone. We both were silent with our eyes closed, breathing in unison. In this very moment I was content.

"Edward?" Bella said, her voice tiny.

"Yes, my love?"

Though my eyes were closed, I still felt Bella's cheek lift into a slight smile under my finger. Her cheek moved in unison with my finger as she spoke.

"Love me?"

I smiled automatically when I heard those two little words. Those very same words that Bella had said just mere days previously in the field; the words that, whenever spoken, sent tremors down my spine and a curious, indescribable ecstasy to flow through me. I smiled wider and repeated the one word that I had said in the field before, in a whisper. The word that now held certainty and an entire new meaning to it that it previously did not possess. The one word that was associated with – in addition to the future – our love.

"Forever."


End file.
